The SoapBoxers

Editor’s note: Johnny does get the predictions to me on Thursday, but I like to run this column on Fridays, because of the increased attention to football on Fridays.  Thus, you will see predictions of Thursday night games that have already occurred.

The NFL gets started this week with a battle on Thursday night.

Last week:

Straight Up – 11-4

Against the Spread 10-5

College

Georgia Tech (-5) vs Clemson – The Ramblin Wreck is a team I like this year … Swiney is in over his head this early. Georgia Tech 35- Clemson 14

East Carolina @ West Virginia (-6.5) National talk like a Pirate day is right around the corner. East Carolina 27- WV 24

Iowa (-6.5) @ Iowa State – Hawks escaped last week. This one will be close again – Iowa 24- ISU 21

Fresno State @ Wisconsin (-8) Badgers win, but I think it will be close Wisc 28 – Fresno St 24

USC (-6.5) @ Ohio St – The Buckeyes did not look sharp last week. USC did. OSU never shows up in big games with the vest at the helm. USC 31- OSU 20

Arkansas St @ Nebraska (-24.5) Ark State put up a 62 spot last week. They won’t this week but it will be closer than expected. Neb 38 – Ark State 21

Texas (-33.5) @ Wyoming- This one could get ugly … and should. Texas 56 – Wyoming 10

Syracuse @ Penn State (-28.5) No chance for last minute magic this week for the orange. PSU – 49 – Syracuse – 10

NFL

Tennessee @ Pittsburgh – (-6) A dogfight to start off the year. The Steelers win but in a slugfest. Pitt 14- Tenn 13

Miami @ Atlanta (-4) Sophomore jinx for Matt Ryan? We say … no but Miami 24 – ATL 21

Minnesota (-4) @ CLEVELAND – Welcome back for a third time Bret Favre. Minnesota 31- Cleveland 10

Jacksonville @ INDIANAPOLIS (-7) The Jags always seem to give the Colts fits, and Bob Sanders is out. Colts 20- Jacksonville 17

Detroit @ NEW ORLEANS (-13) I hate taking double digit favorites in the NFL … so I won’t New Orleans 35- Detroit 24

Washington @ NY GIANTS (-6½) Giants need to figure out their passing game. Washington’s defense is improved. NYG – 28 – Washington 20

Chicago @ GREEN BAY (-3½) The NFC Norris Division gets off to one of the best rivalries in the league. Green Bay 24- Chicago 21

Buffalo @ NEW ENGLAND (-10½) Buffalo runs no huddle…T.O. doesn’t like it, they fired their offensive coordinator..and they start against the hoodie. NE 42- Buffalo – 10

San Diego (-9½) @ OAKLAND The Superchargers make a statement early in the season. SD 31- Oak 10

Patrick Sullivan basked in the warmth of the afternoon sun as he prepared for his race.  He performed his typical stretches, preparing for this as if it were just another race.  However, much was at stake in the final race of Patrick’s stellar high school career.  It was true that Patrick’s trophy case was filled with mementos of his accomplishments.  It was, however, missing the crown jewel – a state championship.  Three times he had faced his bitter rival on the brightest stage, and three times Philip Webb had emerged victorious.  Over the course of their careers, Patrick had won a majority of their head-to-head meetings, and he held the state record for the mile.  Head-to-head meetings are quickly forgotten, and records are broken.  A championship is eternal.

The milers gathered near the start line in anticipation of instructions from the official.  At his word, the runners reported to their lanes and readied themselves for the start.

Patrick reacted instantaneously to the sound of the starter’s pistol.  Within 50 meters, he had already made up the stagger on one runner.  He raced around the corner of the track, emerged onto the straightaway as the leader, and was able to cut across to the inside lane easily.  He felt the presence of Webb fall in behind him, content to let Patrick set the pace.

Patrick continued to lead the race until the 400 meter mark, when a cocky young freshman bolted ahead of him and surged into the lead.  Patrick refused to take the bait, and continued his pace.  The younger running built an impressive lead by the time they finished the second lap.  Patrick knew that the kid was setting a pace that could not possibly be sustained, and the rabbit began to show signs of fading as they reached the 1000 meter mark.  By the time the bell rang to signify the final lap, Patrick, Philip, and two other runners had caught the front runner, and observers knew that the rabbit had run out of gas and would end up at the tail end of the pack.

As always, Patrick was beginning to feel a bit of fatigue as they began the last lap.  1200 meters were complete, and the runners needed to reach deep inside them to race the fastest 400 meters of their careers.  In past years, Patrick had tried to lead the entire final lap, only to be out-kicked by Webb down the stretch.  This time, he allowed Webb to pull ahead of him and settled into right behind him, allowing Patrick to take advantage of the lower wind resistance as he drafted behind Webb.

The other runners were unaware that this was a two man duel.  With 250 meters to go, Patrick was still right on Webb’s footsteps, but he felt himself boxed in by the other runners.  He had nowhere to go.  At that point, his familiarity with Webb’s style paid off.  He knew the exact moment when Webb would turn on the afterburners and begin his final kick.  Patrick planned to surge forward and then cut to the right at the precise moment that Webb would begin his kick.  If Patrick surged too early, he would run up Webb’s back and take them both out of the race.

Four years of racing against Philip Webb had trained him for this moment, and he timed it perfectly.  Webb bolted forward with Patrick on his heels, separating slightly from the other two runners.  Patrick veered sharply to the right and accelerated until he was dead even with Webb.

The two runners approached the finish line side by side, achieving maximum velocity as they strode for the tape.  The naked eye would deem it a tie, and the cameras would be hard pressed to pick the winner.  Patrick Sullivan felt the slight bit of resistance as his body broke through the tape.

Over the course of a century, American society will have publicly (and privately) bountied, extirpated, protected, reintroduced, and then hunted one of the great mammals of the world. The Gray Wolf was once the most widespread mammal species in the world, covering enormous portions of all three continents encompassing the northern hemisphere. In North America, the wolf struggles to regain a foothold in portions of its historical range, and in the United States there is an ongoing legal battle over the status of the gray wolf going forward.

While the wolf population is stable and relatively healthy in Alaska and various eastern states (Michigan, Wisconsin, etc), the wolf’s future is decidedly unknown across the Rocky Mountain west. In Idaho and Wyoming, the wolves are considered experimental and nonessential, and can therefore be killed by private citizens without legal ramifications. In 2008, the federal government attempted to relax the protections for the wolf populations, as the government had decided that the populations, as a whole, had recovered to the point that a blanketed national protective law was no longer necessary. Various environmental groups filed for an injunction in federal court and have proceeded with a lawsuit to re-instate full federal protection for the species.

The biggest point, which is often overlooked, is that the wolf is not a solitary, singular animal in the vein of bears, big cats, and most other predatory mammals. Gray wolves live and die as a team of hunters, with a specific and legendary social hierarchy. If the balance of this hierarchy is altered, the pack itself can falter. Killing a single, seemingly lone wolf can destroy a pack of up to 20 animals. Biologically, the wolves have shown again and again that they are the “personal trainer” of the ecological world they exist in. After wolves were re-introduced to Yellowstone National Park, the elk, bison, and deer populations became healthier, leaner, and less diseased. The same effects have been seen throughout the west. Losing the efficient predatory machine of the wolf pack because of the intentional killing of 1-2 animals will prove a tragic effect over the course of time.

Unfortunately, politics always plays a role in ecological issues of the modern day, and the gray wolf has certainly not escaped this reality. The state governments of the Rocky Mountain region have come down consistently on the side of the private citizens, including the ranchers and other livestock owners. The wolves have been deemed a threat to the safety and profitability of a large industry. These industries do have legitimate concerns as packs of roving predators cross their ranch lands, but there is a balance to the financial impact versus the biological necessity of top predators.

In time, it is hoped that all facets of society could understand and appreciate the importance of a healthier ecosystem. The gray wolf is a top predator who not only keeps prey populations in check, but also makes the forests, grasslands, and alpine regions healthier. The human intervention on behalf of the wolves is certainly not over, but it must said that future decisions must be made based on sound science instead of political whims from government officials at the local, state, and federal levels. All of us will be impacted by decisions like these as our ecological world continues to degrade from society’s encroachment, both intentional and unintentional. We all need to educate ourselves, make educated opinions, and openly support whichever side with which we find agreement.

As we stand on the cusp of the Iowa State – Iowa football game this Saturday, I am once again reminded of my unintentionally contrarian nature. During my childhood, I was a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, the university that is by far the most popular in the state. When I was 17, I made the decision to attend the rival university in Ames – a decision that was based solely on academic reputation.

At that point, I also switched sports allegiances, and now cheer for Iowa State. After a 15 year losing streak to the Hawkeyes, the Cyclones have held their own in recent years, winning six of the last ten games in the series (and putting up serious fights in some of the losses), including the only regular season blemish on the record of the 2002 Hawkeyes (hah!). A win this Saturday will be great, but no longer is a win against Iowa a season defining moment – instead, it is one more entry in the W column as we march toward bowl eligibility under new coach Paul Rhoads. Quite honestly, a win against Nebraska is twice as important – because it is a conference game.

Staying on the topic of sports, my choice of baseball teams is a bit unusual as well. I’m an Iowa native. The state doesn’t have a major league team, but the Cubs have a substantial following in the state. The Cardinals and White Sox also have large fan bases, followed by a smattering of Twins and Royals fans. The Rockies have, by my count, five fans in the entire state.

For that matter, my sports preferences are also a bit atypical. In an era where the NFL and NASCAR reign supreme, my favorite sports are baseball, luge, and track. At one point, I followed the NBA, mostly because of a player with the initials MJ who wore the numbers 2 and 3 on his jersey. Yep – the “other” MJ – #32, Magic Johnson.

It’s probably a good thing that I wasn’t a fan of Jordan. Otherwise, it might be difficult to explain why I dislike Nikes, and swear by Adidas shoes instead.

My contrarian instincts follow me outside the world of sports as well. In a world dominated by Windows, I have used Apple computers for a quarter century. I happily use a wide variety of web browsers – as long as they are not produced by Microsoft.

Surely food is a sacred area? Nope. I am one of seven people in the entire country who do not consider McDonald’s fries to be “the greatest thing since sliced bread”. I prefer Hardees curly fries, or even Burger King onion rings. In fact, my choice of Hardees as my favorite burger joint is a bit unusual. Of course, until it left town a few years ago, B-Bops was at the top of my list.

It doesn’t get any less contrarian if I eat at home. While I often drink Pepsi due to availability, my favorite soft drink is RC. If I’m going to have a frozen pizza, I will eschew popular brands such as Tombstone and Red Baron for my favorite – Totino’s. Not only is Totino’s one of the few brands that doesn’t trigger my acid reflux, but it has a nice crispy crust – because, of course, I dislike thick crust.

But at least I’m conventional in my choice of salty snacks. Pringles are pretty popular.

Of course, I push aside the regular Pringles in favor of the reduced fat. Is this a health-based decision? Of course not. I actually prefer the flavor …

Ahhhhh Yes …. College Football Season has FINALLY arrived. A great opening week of College football, which as usual, created a lot of excitement, water cooler talk, and for some…a lot of disappointment.

I was totally wrong my apologies go out to Columbia:

Missouri was a little bit impressive to me this past week. The Tigers “system” offense looked sharp while carving up the Illini. Early games are a bit tough to tell, is Mizzou that good, or is Illinois that bad … Still an impressive win for the Tigers who made a statement.

Statement game:

Oklahoma State has been riding the hype wagon and there has been a lot of debate on how coach Gundy has handled the pressure of his team being a novel pick in the Big XII South. They played well in beating a solid opponent in Georgia. A nice early win for the Cowboys.

I told you all so ….

Baylor wins at Wake Forest. The main thing in this game was not just the play of Robert Griffith, but the Bears looked faster than the Deamon Deacons in all aspects of the game. Conference foes better watch out.

Uh Oh … it is worse than we thought!:

Oklahoma showed how much they rely on Heisman trophy winner Sam Bradford, but more discouraging for Sooner fans is the inability to move the football on the ground, even with Bradford out. This looks like a talented team that needs an offensive line to come together, and quickly, or it could be big trouble in Norman this year.

We were looking ahead award:

Dual winners this week are Ohio State who eeked out a win against the Midshipmen of the Naval academy. They need to be a lot better next week against the Trojans in a top 10 match up.

The Iowa Hawkeyes have used up two of their nine lives this year. Looking ahead to Iowa State? I say yes as the Clones have had the better of the match up recently considering that annually the Hawks bring in a much better quality of football team.

Pardon me Seymour …

Richard Seymor, a fixture of the defense that helped the New England Patriots win multiple Super Bowl titles has been traded to the Oakland Raiders. “Sources” indicate that he might not show up in Oakland and is less than amused about being traded. Typically the only ones who want to get traded to the Raiders these days are veterans who are looking for a big payday, folks past their prime, or someone looking for a second chance in a new environment. I don’t think Richard fits any of these descriptions.

Lastly …

This week, the US Open Tennis Tournament continues, with a lot of exciting action. The biggest story without a doubt is the pilgrimage of 17 year old Melanie Oudin’s trip through her side of the draw. The high schooler is the 70th-ranked player which is impressive in its own right. This tournament she has had a slew of wins, all comebacks, against a variety of big names of the sport. No. 4 Elena Dementieva and No. 29 Maria Sharapova as well as No. 13 Nadia Petrova. Can the miracle run continue?

When I was a senior in college, I applied for a lot of jobs.

The College of Business at Iowa State would publish a list of companies that would be interviewing on campus each week, along with a job description. There was a set of numbered bins (or perhaps they were boxes) that corresponded to each job. If you were interested in a job, you left a resume and cover letter in the bin. The company would sift through the applicants and decide whom they wanted to interview on campus. If that interview went well, the company would have you interview at their site.

Every week, I diligently dropped off resumes. I had some interviews, but not job offers.

One week, I printed off my resumes in a computer lab at the far end of campus (where I worked) and trudged through rain to the other end of campus to submit them. I began dropping resumes into bins and noticed that I was missing one resume.

I had a dilemma on my hands. It was Friday afternoon, it was raining, and I was very close to my apartment. The only current copy of my resume was in the computer lab on the other side of campus. I could just say “good enough”, since I had applied for several other positions that week. Or I could trudge back across campus, print the resume, and then retrace my steps in order to apply for the one additional job. This would delay my weekend and result in me getting even more wet.

I decided to give the extra effort. I got soaked in the rain and I was late getting home, but I slept easier that night.

I received a total of one job offer that year.

Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. I crossed campus twice in the rain to make sure that I applied for that one extra job – and that’s the job I’ve landed. I’ve worked for the company for twelve years now.

Remember this story the next time you’re tempted to cut a few corners.

What did you miss over the weekend?

• Peter Rabbit gave a recap of the Six Day War on Friday.
• Also on Friday, Johnny Goodman makes his NCAA football picks for week 1.
• On Saturday, Cheri Nobel reviewed World Wide Open, the new debut CD of the group Love and Theft.

I mentioned the new group Love and Theft in the Country Corral on August 22.  I finally received my copy of the CD this week!  I sat down and gave it a listen.  Here is what I think of the songs on the disc. I’m more of a lyrics person, so the strength of lyrics has a lot of weight on the ratings.

Cheris	Song
	World Wide Open	Not a bad song, per se, but probably not the best song to put in the #1 track of a debut album.  Theme of the song is which road to travel down (which life choice to make).
	Runaway	I absolutely LOVE this song.  I haven’t been able to get it out of my head for weeks.  From a lyrics perspective, I’m a sucker for the “get out of town and make a new life for myself”.  The harmonies and instrumental strength really make the song stand out.  My scale only goes up to 5, but I wanted to give this song at least a 6.
	Dancing in Circles	The songs asks why people can’t get along, when we are all born brothers and sisters (in Christ).
	It’s Up to You	The narrator is warning a second person that their destructive actions are likely to cause broken friendships in near future.
	You To Miss	This is a story of love lost.  It doesn’t seem to have the instrumental strength of some of the other songs.
	Can’t Go Back	Another song with strong instrumental aspects and harmonies.
	Don’t Wake Me	A tale of newfound love – don’t wake me from the dream.
	Freedom	The first half of the song is considerably better than the second half (which is still pretty good).  Is freedom a good thing or a bad thing?
	Slow Down	In contrast to the songs which have the narrator racing off into new directions (Runaway and World Wide Open), this song begs to slow things down a bit.
	Me Without You	A solid song with the theme of “you complete me”
	Drowning	The songs has the theme of “I’m drowning without you”.  I really like some of the harmonies – they pushing the song’s rating up by a full Cheri.
Album grade: This album has a number of 2 Cheri and 3 Cheri songs.  However, I really like the top end songs (particularly Runaway) and the fact that this is a debut album make me a bit of an easier grader and allows me to award 4 Cheris.  I see a lot of upside potential for this group.  Perhaps their next album will be achieve a coveted 5 Cheri rating. Love and Theft is made up of Brian Bandas, Eric Gunderson, and Stephen Barker Liles.

Love and Theft World Wide Open

Goodman the Great gives his analysis of this week’s NCAA football games.

Editor’s note: For those who may not be familiar with point spreads, having a negative number next to your team is a good thing. For example, South Carolina @ North Carolina State (-3.5) means that North Carolina State is favored by 3.5 points.

South Carolina @ North Carolina State – (-3.5) The Ol ball coach gets it done in this heated rivalry opener. SC 24, NC St 14

North Dakota State @ Iowa State – (-8.5) The Clones are under a new regime, but they are still a Big XII school. ISU 28, NDSU -10

Oregon @ Boise State (-4.5) Two words…..smurf turf. Boise State 42, Oregon 35

Navy @ THE Ohio State (-22.5) The buckeyes get it rolling early and often on the overmatched Middies – OSU 42,  Navy 17

Georgia @ Oklahoma State (-4.5) I picked the Cowboys as my early surprise of the Big XII…we will see if I am right. OSU 35, Georgia 16

Nevada @ Notre Dame (-17.5) The Golden Domers win, but Nevada covers – ND 35, Nevada 21

Baylor @ Wake Forest (-5.5) A lot of Hype for Robert Griffith. This will determine if it is hype or hoax. Baylor 28, WF 27

Missouri @ Illinois (-5.5) Gone is Maclin, Daniel, Coffman … and the chance to beat Illinois this year. ILL 35,  Mizzou – 21

BYU @ Oklahoma (-21.5) Gresham will miss time, the Cougars are overmatched, but I think it will be closer than you think. OU 42,  BYU 24

Florida Atlantic @ Nebraska (-17.5) The Corn is golden in home openers. Neb 42,FAU 14

LSU (-14.5) @ Washington – Could be a surprise game. High expectations in Baton Rouge … but this is being played elsewhere. LSU 28, Wash 20

Ole Miss (-17.5) @ Memphis – Jevan Snead’s Heisman run begins on Saturday – Ole Miss 42, Memphis 10

Colorado State @ Colorado (-13.5) – Fierce rivalry. Hawkins is on the hot seat, but they get by this week. COL 31, COL St 28

Miami @ Florida State (-4.5) Remember when this was a big game, now it just pads Bobby Bowden’s win totals. FL St, 31 Miami 17

Western Michigan @ Michigan (-11.5) Rich Rodriguez needs a win, and some calmness in the program…I guess they are ready since all the guys have been practicing 80 hours a week. Mich  28, WMU 17

300 has nothing on this war.

For those of you that saw the movie 300 which was a fictionalized retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae where 300 Spartans fought till death against incredible odds you may like this non-fictionalized story even better.

While I am not a great story teller let me try to set the scene. You are tasked with defending a brand new nation that is about the size of New Jersey (8,019 square miles vs. Jersey which is 7800). The battle will be on three fronts as your 4th front is water. You have little to no control of supply routes and your enemy has available to it almost indefinite reinforcements and resources especially fuel.

In terms of actual military might. You have approximately 275,000 troops of which 75% are reserves. You also have 200 aircrafts and 1,100 tanks. Your enemy has 250,000 full time professional troops with pretty much unlimited reserves, 530 aircrafts and 1,500 tanks. To make things a bit worse, your aircraft are a much older model then your enemies as your enemy has basically up to date Soviet planes. Your planes are severely under gunned, about half as fast and some are actually only useful as decoys. Similar to your planes, your tanks are outdated, mainly small tanks or refurbished old British heavy tanks while your opponent has the latest Soviet weaponry, mainly heavy tanks.

So far, I know which side I rather be on and it’s not the side that I have told you to envision yourself leading. So what do you do? I am not sure what you picked as your option but I would have picked run away and run away fast.

Obviously since I am the Middle East columnist for the Observer this is the description of an actual war that took place in the Middle East. It is a description of the Six Day War fought in 1967 between Israel, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon and pretty much the rest of the Arab world. By now you pretty much guessed that the New Jersey like undermanned, out gunned country is Israel. If your interest is not piqued yet as to how they got out of this jam then check your pulse. So what did Israel do?

First they dug 10,000 graves and prepared 14,000 hospital beds, crossed their fingers and loaded their rifles. The strategy was simple and driven out of necessity. The war had to be very quick as they could not outlast the Arabs, it had to be on Arab soil as they could not afford to rebuild Israel, and Israeli casualties had to be limited as they could not re-arm to do this dance again if the army was wiped out. After that, it was simple – the best defense is a good offense. Israel, without the public blessing of the US (its main ally) struck first and destroyed a majority of the Arab air force before it ever got off the ground. Then it hit the Arab forces hard on the ground to the point where most of the Arab forces retreated without seeing any real prolonged combat. The strategy worked as Israel had the upper hand by around day 3 (even though Arab radio claiming victory at every turn) and as hinted by the title of this war had won a decisive victory by day 6. At that point the UN and the world negotiated a cease fire.

The aftermath was the Arabs lost about 450 planes and 18,000 troops while Israel lost 36 planes and 700 troops. Outside of being a great story that I recommend you read a book on or at least a few web pages it had an important outcome for today. Many of the areas that now Arabs claim are “occupied” by Israel were taken during this war. These areas were the very spots that the Arabs picked as strategic places to launch their attacks. Most of these spots such as the Golan Heights create a great military advantage and I believe have been retained by Israel and should be for military defense. It was also the beginning of a huge number of Palestinians being displaced due to the war. In my opinion, understanding such history is very critical when discussing issues of today. To have an informed opinion on what is happening today it is critical to understand how the Palestinians ended up where they are and the motivation of Israel for “occupying” certain territories. I hope you enjoyed this story but in a blog I can’t do it justice as the story of this war to me is the most amazing military story of the last 50 years and I hope you have time to do some more detailed reading on it.

*Note: The statistics came from a number of sources but obviously different sources have slightly different numbers.

If there is one group of people I despise more than the telemarketers who try to sell me a car warranty over the phone, it’s the mall kiosk people who stalk me to the edge of the mall walkways. I’m typically a pretty polite person – but being harassed by mall pests trying to sell me overpriced crap makes me feel a bit rude.

As an aid to those of you who are also annoyed by the kiosk stalkers, I have created this convenient list of ways to fight back. Most of these tactics are geared toward having the kiosklings avoid you in the future. [Note: some of these tactics are of questionable legality. We assume no liability for their use.]

1. Ask embarrassing questions. If they are selling lotion, you might ask “Isn’t this the lotion that gave Aunt Mary that nasty rash?” or “Didn’t the FDA recall this stuff last week?” “Wasn’t your CEO involved in that Ponzi scheme?” is a good fit for a variety of business. Not only will these questions annoy the kioskamarketer, they might scare away a few actual customers.
2. Trapped. As you see the kioskers attempt to stalk you, give the secret signal and have a group of your friends surround the kioskers in a tight formation, allowing minimal personal space.
3. The enemy of my enemy. If the kiosk has a phone number, sign up for a bunch of giveaways (Win a Free Cruise!) and use the kiosk’s phone numbers. You’ve essentially added them to the “do call” list.  Failing that, sign them up for a bunch of junk mail.
4. Too many customers. You have hundreds of friends on Facebook, right? Have all of them show up at the kiosk at the same time. Browse the merchandise, ask questions, even form a blockade around the kiosk. Make every attempt to keep the kioskers occupied in order to protect the general public.
5. Turn ‘em in. Aggressive behavior is often a violation of the kiosk’s lease with the mall. Threaten to contact the mall office, and follow through.
6. Why doesn’t … Ask the probing question – “Have you ever wondered why [name of high end store] doesn’t stalk their customers? Probably because they don’t sell crap.”
7. Competitor. Walk up to the kiosk with a notebook in one hand and a tape measure in the other. Start taking notes about all of the products, and take measurements of the kiosk. When the employees ask what you are doing, tell them that you are planning to launch a competing business twenty feet away.
8. Turn the tables. Instead of having them zoom in their sites on you and track you down, sneak up on THEM and turn the hunter into the hunted. Try to sell them your time share property or get them involved in a multi-level marketing scheme.
9. Go “double maverick” on them. Spread fake vomit around the kiosk’s area. Put up “crime scene” tape. Bring your garbage bags from home and leave them in the kiosk area. Organize a marbles tournament on the floor. Talk about alien abductions. Put up signs that say “Danger! Land Mines!” In general, make them think you’re a little nutty.
10. Chemical warfare. Store up a nice dose of body odor. Spend a lot of time at the kiosk, sharing your aroma with the employees.