RSSFNN: Man Sets Turkey Record
Nov 27
Brought to you by the Fake News Network.
POCATELLO (FNN) An Idaho man recently broke a long standing record for turkey consumption. Local welder Gerald Cooper ate turkey three times a day for 366 straight days – an incredible 1098 consecutive meals. More incredibly, all of the turkey was prepared for Thanksgiving 2008! FNN sent reporter Scoop Chevelle to Pocatello to get the scoop.
SCOOP: Wow, Gerald. Color me impressed. What inspired you to do this?
COOP: Well, Scoop, it really started by accident. Wal-Mart had this great deal on turkeys, so I bought a bunch. I planned a huge party for turkey day last year. Hundreds of my closest friends and 600 pounds of turkey. Unfortunately, I was a bit drunk when I sent the invitations. In hindsight, the mailbox I put them into may have been a storm drain. The end result is that nobody showed up.
SCOOP: So you were left with 600 pounds of turkey and decided to eat all of it yourself?
COOP: Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Hey, I have a couple of big deep freezes, so I just tossed the leftovers into the iceboxes. Really, it wasn’t bad for the first few months. Obviously, Idaho has the best potatoes in the world – yeah, I see you Ireland. Bring it ON! The cranberries did get a bit gamey after the first week, though.
SCOOP: How have you kept from getting sick of turkey every day?
COOP: For the first six months, I just had plain old turkey sandwiches. Then I began to mix it up a bit. Turkey chili, turkey stroganoff, turkey energy shakes, turkey whiskey, turkey waffles, turkey tacos, turkey thermidor.
SCOOP: Have you ever come close to missing a meal?
COOP: Yes – May 18th was extremely close. I was a bit hung over, and it was 11:30 by the time I realized that I hadn’t had my breakfast yet. I snuck it in just under the wire. Hey, as long as you’re done before noon, it counts as breakfast.
SCOOP: How much turkey is left?
COOP: Happily, none. I had a handful of friends over last night, and we polished off the last 20 pounds.
SCOOP: So, are you looking forward to Thanksgiving 2010?
COOP: I think I’m having ham next year.
Nov 27, 2009 @ 07:11:56
Kosmo, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a detailed response for me over at problogger. It was super kind of you and the information was super helpful. I will consider the e-book after all!
~Justine