The Jester and the King

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Rutherford Carter III was a powerful executive in the boardroom and a rather weak chess player in the game room. Other men in similar roles would likely see underlings falling over themselves to intentionally lose a game to the boss in order to curry favor.

This was not the case for Rutherford Carter. Carter’s inborn superiority complex emanated from him, and this aura caused those around him to want to knock him down a peg when given the opportunity.

It had been many weeks since Carter had last stumbled to a win against an opponent who was distracted by a phone call. He lusted for the sweet smell of victory, and he knew where he could find a weak and willing opponent.

Down on the street below, Carter quickly found a target. The bum was gaunt, and the pieces on his chessboard were cheap plastic.

“Care for a game?” asked Carter as he sat down on the bench.

The bum looked up with disinterest.

“I brought some dinner for you,” cajoled Carter. He popped the briefcase open and pulled out half of a pastrami sandwich, left over from lunch.

The bum nodded. “Sure. Why not?”

“I’m Rutherford Carter III.”

“The third, eh? They call me Soapy. Soapy the second, I suppose, since I’m named after the O. Henry character.”

“Where do you sleep at night?” asked Carter, as he opened the game by moving the queen’s pawn ahead two spots.

“On the bench, mostly” replied Soapy, as he quickly made his move. “Sometimes under the bench, if I need to get out of the wind. The shelter on 32nd street sometimes brings blankets for us when the weather gets cold.”

As the game progressed, Carter asked more questions about Soapy’s life on the street. Soapy answered him between bites of the sandwich. It became quickly apparent that Soapy was a simple man. He desired nothing more in life than a chance to read the comics from a discarded newspaper in the morning, a warm meal at the shelter at noon, and a blanket on a cold night.

Carter was so engrossed in the conversation that he was shocked when Soapy called out “Checkmate!”.

Carter was taken aback. His eyes focused intently on the board, sure that Soapy was mistaken. A moment later, Carter conceded defeat to a lowly street bum and asked for a rematch.

An hour later, Carter’s record against Soapy had dropped to 0-3. With his head hung low, Carter was about to bid Soapy good night.

“I can tell that you’re surprised,” Soapy said, reading his mind. “My father was a lawyer and taught me chess at a young age. I played in tournament nearly every weekend until I had to give it up to focus on law school. I’m still quite good at the game.”

“Law school?” asked Carter.

“Yes, Harvard Law,” replied Soapy. “I used to work over here. There’s my old office,” he said, point toward the corner of a building twice as tall as the one that housed Carter’s firm.

Carter gasped. “A corner office in the Hepner building? You must have been making a fortune! How did you end up on the streets?”

“Too much success, I supposed,” Soapy replied. “I was high on cocaine one night, celebrating successfully defending a sleazeball company from a legitimate class action lawsuit.  I crashed my Mercedes into an oncoming semi. My wife and baby daughter were killed instantly.”

Carter’s eyes opened wide at the tragic story.

“They never tested me for drugs, so I was never charged with a crime. I collected a large life insurance payment. I tried to buy happiness with the money, but it only made things worse. I couldn’t bear living without them, and I knew that the insurance settlement was blood money, Finally, one night I doused my bank records in gasoline, set them on fire, and walked away and let the house burn to the ground.”

“That’s terrible,” interjected Carter.

“It could be worse” replied Soapy. “I could be dead like my dear wife and baby. My meager life on the streets, this is my penance for the sins of my past.”

I Know That I Can’t Take It No More … It Ain’t No Lie

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Bye, Bye, Bayh. No, it’s not the N’Sync song I’m talking about. It’s Evan Bayh, the rarely buzzed about Senator from Indiana. Bayh announced on February 15 (coincidently just days before his filing deadline) that he wouldn’t be seeking reelection to the Senate. First, Kennedy in the House and now Bayh. Now, many people believe that this is due to the failing support of the Mighty and Powerful Oz…or Ob. Which is quite possible. Maybe he just decided he didn’t want “to be just another fool in this game for two so” he’s leaving them behind. Or could it be that now that healthcare reform is considered dead and the fact that his wife, Susan, is on many corporate boards, including health Insurance mogul Wellpoint, he knew that he would not stand a chance.

Many media outlets weren’t even saying he was a Democrat, which I find hysterical. I think it is “Tearing up their heart” that Democrats are bailing ship. “I wanted to see him out that door” even though I’ve heard him referred to as a conservative. HA! He’s a conservative just like a RINO would be conservative. He just didn’t “want to be the loser and I’ve had enough”. But the truth remains he’s “Gone”.

Speaking of being “Gone”, anyone seen Al Gore lately? Last week, a Senate hearing was postponed on “Global Warming” due to a record snowfall in D.C. That’s all I got on that. You can’t make this stuff up, folks.

I just wanted to add, Go Team USA!! Bring home the Gold! But don’t tell the Obama Administration that you did. They may want to melt it down for another stimulus. That being said, it’s been one year since the stimulus bill passed. Only 6% of Americans believe the stimulus created jobs. 7% of Americans believe Elvis Presley is still alive. Who knows, maybe the crazy cat lady down the street who visits Graceland every year is on to something. Or not.

Psst …

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If you’re a regular visitor, you’re seeing a menu option for “Free Stuff” at the top (in the blue bar).  Check this out for a free coupon code to use in the store.  This special deal is only available for regular visitors.

If you’re using an RSS reader, clicking on the “Free …” link at the bottom of this article will display the code for you.

Technology Ruins The Olympics

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Here we are at the Winter Olympics once again, the home of patriotism, teamwork, athleticism, and technology? Yes, technology, the Winter Olympics is full of it. Just two years ago I can remember reporters discussing how changes to swimsuits have lead to faster swimming, and even then I couldn’t help but think of how much bigger a part technology plays in the Winter Olympics, and how much of an effect it probably has on the outcome.

The Winter Olympics definitely outweighs the Summer Olympics in the “gear” category. From bobsleds to skis, from ice skates to guns, gear is the name of the game at the Winter Olympics. It might just not be the best man who wins, but the man with the best equipment who wins in Vancouver.

I believe the king of the Winter Olympics technology has got to be the bobsled. In a sport where every second counts the quality of the equipment is going to matter that much more. An olympic bobsled can cost upwards of $100,000 USD. This is just an insane amount of money, you want to talk about a sport for only the rich. Polo has nothing on bobsledding.

I can’t help but imagine how well a $100,000 USD bobsled would perform compared to a $5,000 USD bobsled. With years of testing in wind tunnels, scientists fine tuning every angle, and air drag cut down to near zero, I’d hate to believe that the difference between gold and silver medals might come down to the research and money put in by the host country to develop a high quality sled.

I just don’t believe that technology should play such a large part in the Olympics. I think the winner of the gold medal should be the most dedicated and talented team, not the group of guys thrown together in a sled that costs more than the combined income of my wife and I. That is just ridiculous. In this day of multi thousand dollar snowboards and uniforms made of materials originally designed for NASA, I’ve got to say, what’s the point?

Knee Jerk Reactions

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It is sometimes human nature to react impusively rather than logically. This happens quite often, but I’ll choose to focus on two recent occurences.

The first occurence are the changes to the luge competition in the aftermath of Nodar Kumaritashvili’s death. His death was most certainly a tragedy. The added retaining wall at the spot where he was ejected from the course is a good idea. Shortening the men’s run by moving their start to the position previously used by the women is not a terrible idea. Shortening the course by these 600 feet (with the accompanying loss of elevation) caused speeds to drop from 95+mph to 90 mph.

The point where I have a concern, however, is the shortening of the women’s course by 800 feet (by moving it to the start point of the Juniors). The women were already at less risk of such extreme accidents by the mere fact that they have a tendency to weigh less than the male competitors (luge is a sport heavily affected by gravity, such that athletes below certain weights are allowed to wear lead weights to boost their mass). Less weight = less speed.  The shortening of the women’s course seems to be an attempt to show that an attempt is being made to ensure safety, when in reality, it is unlikely to make a big difference.  I’m not the only person unhappy about the changes – the competitors themselves were less than thrilled.

The second occurence is probably more likely simply sloppy reporting than intentional exaggeration.   I recently read an article about future Hall of Fame NBA player Tim Duncan. In an effort to show how important Duncan is, the writer pointed to the huge improvement from the 20-62 record the Spurs had he year before he joined the team (1996-97) to the 56-26 record they achieved in Duncan’s first year with the team – implying that Duncan was largely responsible for the 36 win improvement.

Tim Duncan is a great player, and I have utmost respect for him.   However, in this case, the writer is wrong about his impact.  In 1996-97, Hall of Famer David Robinson – then in the prime of his career – played just six games due to injury and All Star guard Sean Elliott also missed substantial time due to injury.  In 1995-96, The Spurs won 59 games on the heels of a 62 win season and a 55 win season.  The 20 win season of 1996-97 was a severe aberration and did not reflect the true talent of the team.  Using this as a baseline for determining Duncan’s impact is, in a word, lazy.

And in other sports new …

In luge, the USA’s Erin Hamlin had a disappointing first day.  After a first run of 41.835 seconds that had her eight overall, she slipped to a time of 42.219 in the second run.  That time was twentieth best in the run, and dropped her combined standing to fifteenth – and a long shot to make a run at a medal.  To nobody’s surprise, three time reigning Luge Word Cup champion Tatjana Hüfner of Germany was in the lead after Monday’s runs.  Hüfner’s 41.760 was third best in the first run.  She then put put down a blistering 41.481 in the second run, setting a track record. The Luge will finish with two more runs this afternoon.

Jamie MacMurray won a marathon Daytona 500.  The race was red flagged a couple of times as officials worked to fix a hole in the track -(yep, the NASCAR folks fix potholes much faster than your local DOT.  Although it was unfortunate that my favorite driver – Tony Stewart – didn’t pick up the win, it’s hard to root against a guy like MacMurray.

The Cleveland Cavaliers are trying to acquire Amare Stoudamire.  Hopefully, LeBron James appreciates what the Cavs are doing and stays put.  Seriously, LeBron, you’re a god in Cleveland and you have a good team around you.  Why trade this in to go to the Knicks – a team in tatters – simply to be in the media spotlight more.  Seriously, you’re getting plenty of attention as it is.

The NFL could be heading toward an uncapped year in 2010.  If this happens, there could be some huge salaries for 2010.  The uncapped year would be the result of owners opting out of the current collective bargaining agreement early.  The labor agreement was originally slated to last through 2013; the owners exercised an option to opt out after the 2011 season.  The uncapped seasons of 2010 and 2011 (assuming that a new agreement is not reached) is a poison pill tied to the owners opting out.  The players’ share of revenues is a key sticking point.  The players currently received 60% of revenues.  The owners would like to see this number shrink.  One beef the players have is that the owners won’t show them financial records.  On this particular point, I am forced to side with the players.  In most cases, I would say that a business has the right to keep their financial records secret.  However, you can’t tie the players’ salary cap to a component of finances without allowing the other side to review the records for accuracy and completeness – this leaves the door wide open for fraudulent behavior.  Don’t want the players to be able to look at your records?  Fine – then don’t tie the salary cap to revenue.

Meditation on the Divine Will

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English: Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth Presid...

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I stumbled across a short piece written by Abraham Lincoln which was not published until after his death. I find his skill at presenting a complete idea in such a concise manor to be both daunting and refreshing. It is daunting because it is timeless and so much better than anything I have ever written. It is refreshing because it outlines his feelings, beliefs and concerns without resorting to accusation or derogatory sentiment.

Meditation on the Divine Will
Abraham Lincoln

The will of God prevails. In great contests each party claims to act in accordance with the will of God. Both may be, and one must be, wrong. God cannot be for and against the same thing at the same time. In the present … war it is quite possible that God’s purpose is something different from the purpose of either party; and yet the human instrumentalities, working just as they do, are of the best adaptation to effect His purpose. I am almost ready to say that this probably true; that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet. By His mere great power on the minds of the now contestants, He could have either saved or destroyed … without a human contest. Yet the contest began. And, having begun, He could give the final victory to either side any day. Yet the contest proceeds.

I have modified the Presidents statement just slightly. I have removed the word ‘civil’ fifth sentence and the words ‘the Union’ seventh sentence. I feel that this brief statement expresses both a sincere desire to do what is right, while facing the horrors of war. Although I am not a pacifist, I too dream of a world where war does not exist. What is most impressive about this meditation is that it was apparently written as an inspiration late in the evening after returning from the Gettysburg battlefield. It is a single draft, in ink with no edits, intended only for himself.

The only way to be this good at writing is continuous practice. If you write everything you think, concentrating on message, your ability will increase. I cannot promise the genius of the best writer through history, but I can promise better writing than before you practiced.

KEEP WRITING

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Early Olympic Thoughts

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The start of the games were  marred by the tragic death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili during a practice run on Friday.  After viewing the video a few times, I came to a couple of conclusions:

  • When I first heard that Kumaritashvili had struck an unpadded steel pole, I wondered why the poles were unpadded and wondering how much this contributed to his death.  However, after viewing the video, I’m not sure that he would have fared any better with a padded pole.  The poor guy had already taken a fairly bad beating by the time he was propelled off the course.  Of course, padding the poles would still be a good idea.
  • It seems fairly apparent that pilot error was the major factor.  Compare Kumaritashvili’s crash to the crash of defending Olympic champion Armin Zoeggeler earlier in the day.  Zoeggeler is able to quickly gain control of his sled and escape injury.  Undoubtedly, there were other differing factors in the two crashes, but the way the athletes dealt with the crash is vastly different.  This isn’t to fault Kumaritashvili – he simply didn’t have the same amount of experience as some of the other lugers.
  • Is the track too dangerous?  That’s not an easy question to answer.  An Olympic venue should strive to challenge the abilities of the athletes, and luge is inherently dangerous.  Is the Whistler track too challenging?  Perhaps, perhaps not.

Officials looked into several options to reduce the chance of further tragedy on the course at the Whistler Sliding Centre, including the possibility of canceling the event entirely.  In the end, they constructed a retaining wall at the spot where Kumaritashvili left the course.  They also decided that the male competitors should start further down the track, at the starting location typically used by the women.  This served to cut speeds from 95 mph to 90 mph.

A few things jumped out at me during the opening ceremonies (and related NBC coverage):

  • The fact that 90% of Canadians live within 100 miles of the US is pretty amazing, considering how large Canada is.
  • When I heard the stat about the 5000 mile border between the US being the longest friendly border in the world, I had a mental hiccup wondering how on earth this could be 5000 miles, considering that it’s only about 3000-3500 miles from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean.  Oh, right.  Alaska has a sizable border with Canada.
  • The ovation for the Georgian delegation was great.  Not that I would have expected anything less from the fine citizens of Canada.
  • I enjoyed seeing the athletes from the warm weather countries.  I got a chuckle out of the contingent from Bermuda – wearing their Bermuda shorts.
  • Each time I see an Olympic flame lighted, I am reminded of my favorite Olympic memory – the ’92 games in Barcelona, when an archer shot a flaming arrow into the caldron to light it.  Although this wasn’t as difficult (for elite archers) as it appeared – in practice, a bunch of archers had shot thousands of arrows, and only a handful miss) – it was flat-out awesome.  18 years later, it still resonates with me.

The games are well under way.  Simon Ammann of Switzerland picked up the first gold medal of the games, in ski jumping.  Hannah Kearney picked up the first American gold in moguls.  Apolo Ohno nabbed a silver in a wild and crazy short track 1500 meter race – three skaters from South Korea were ahead of him, but two of them got tangled and crashed out of the race near the end.

American skier Lindsey Vonn gained a few extra days to recover from her shin injury as a result of weather-related delays in her events.

Men’s luge is halfway done, with young German phenom Felix Loch currently atop the standings.  The gold medal will be awarded today.  The female lugers will compete on Monday and Tuesday.  Happy sliding, guys and gals!

Changes Are Afoot

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OK, so there’s really just one small change.  We now have a store.  What’s inside the store?

  • You now have the ability to leave a tip for your favorite writer(s).  This is, of course, optional.  If you choose to leave a tip, thank you very much.  If you don’t, that’s OK – you’ll continue to enjoy all future articles at The Soap Boxers.  To leave a tip, simply add your favorite writer(s) to your cart, and change the quantity to reflect the amount of the tip (quantity of 3 = $3 tip).
  • Kosmo’s fiction eBooks are now available for purchase.  Volumes 1 and 2 are $3.65 each, while the shorter volume 3 is $1.95.  Again, this is completely optional.  We do anticipate having great discount coupons in the future to reward our loyal readers.
  • The future?  Hopefully some audio books (recordings of the fiction stories).  It will be a little while before these are available.

Luger Nodar Kumaritashvili Dies in Olympic Accident

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Olympic luger Nodar Kumaritashvili from the country of Georgia died when he crashed during a practice run, flew off the course, and hit an unpadded steel pole.

Since luge is my favorite Olympic sport, this news hits me hard.  My thoughts and prayers are with his family.  Rest in peace.

Battle of Olympus

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Today, as we celebrate the opening of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, I am proud to announce a contest of Olympic proportions.  Kosmo is going head-to-head with John from LivingWithBalls.com in a fantasy Olympic contest.

The basic rules are:

You can have 12 athletes on your team.  The following limitations apply:

  • No more than two athletes from any one discipline (the disciplines are in the left hand column below)
  • No more than six athletes from any continent
  • An athelete can consist of a single individual or a pair

Each person also selects two teams.  A team is defined as any group larger than a pair.

Scoring is as follows:

  • Gold medal = 10 points
  • Silver medal = 5 points
  • Bronze medal = 3 points

Check back during the Olympics for updates.  The Soap Boxers will be on the ground in Vancouver on the couch in Iowa bringing you coverage of the games as they unfold.

Without futher ado, the picks:

here.

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