The SoapBoxers

Living With Balls.  John agreed to write this article for publication on The Soap Boxers and I wrote an opposing article – Why I Hate the Yankees on Living With Balls.

In an ever-changing world, the Yankees are the one constant in my life.  While my other teams (Jets and Knicks) continue to disappoint on an annual basis, the Yankees are always there to pick me up around October and remind me why I watch sports in the first place. 

With an endless stream of money and an ownership dedicated to winning, the Yankees will always be in the mix for a World Series title.  Sure the Yankees have had some heartbreaking losses and disappointing seasons in my lifetime (not too many though) but for the most part, the Yankees will make things exciting for the city of New York.

Now let’s get one thing clear: I am NOT a frontrunner (as evidenced by the other two teams I root for).  I was born into Yankees royalty.  My father grew up in an Italian-American neighborhood in Brooklyn, only a few minutes from Ebbets Field— but he was raised a Yankees fan because his father, idolized fellow Italian-American and Yankees icon Joe DiMaggio.

My father has seen every major Yankees game in the last 50 years, both good and bad: from Mickey Mantle’s Triple-Crown season in 1956, to Bill Mazerozki’s series-winning home run over the Yanks in the 1960 series, to Reggie Jackson’s three homers in the 1977 Fall Classic, all the way to last year’s win over the Philadelphia Phillies.  He’s witnessed the Yankees go from a dynasty in the 50’s, to a laughing stock in the 60’s. He cheered the back-to-back titles in the 70’s and suffered through the embarrassment of the 1980’s. Things then came full circle for him as he saw the Yankees become a dynasty once again in the 90’s.

So it only made sense that he would raise his two sons to be Yankees fans as well. I was a Yankees fan before I even knew what baseball was.  My father taught me everything I know about baseball and everything I know about the Yankees.  He introduced me to the game I love but never forced it upon me.  Some of my fondest boyhood memories are having a catch with my father in the park or going to Yankee Stadium with him to see Don Mattingly play first base.

Now I’m all grown up and out of the house but I’ll always pick up the phone and call my Dad after a big Yankees win.  I still make it a point to go home and watch almost every big playoff game with him.  We watched together when Jim Leyritz hit a three-run homer off Mark Wohlers in Game 4 of the 1996 World Series, catapulting the Yankees to an upset win over the Braves.  We watched the nerve-wracking game 7 of the 2003 ALCS together, when Aaron Boone finally delivered a walk-off home run to give the Yankees the pennant. We even watched together when the Yankees choked away a 3-0 lead over the Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS.  Win or lose, a Yankees playoff game just isn’t the same if I’m not watching it with my father.

The Yankees have helped my father and I bond throughout the years.  If there’s one subject we can always take about, it’s the Yankees.  My father recently suffered a heart-attack, but thankfully he is doing well now.  His health problems have only made me appreciate these moments more. 

I am not a father yet but I will be getting married in the coming months.  I hope to have a son one day and that three generations of Yankees fans will be able to walk into the new Yankee Stadium and witness great moments together.

Having the Yankees win every year is certainly enjoyable from a fan’s perspective. But to me, the Yankees mean a whole lot more.

Living with Balls is your place for testosterone-induced humor.  A humor blog for men, Living with Balls takes a lighter view of life from a man’s perspective.  John S., the founder and editor, can be contacted at johns@livingwithballs.com.  Follow LWB on twitter as well.

In what I can only classify as a comedy of political missteps it appears that all within a month the Israeli and the American governments have managed to offend each other only to the delight of the terrorist world. The first offense came during Joe Biden’s visit a few weeks back when unfortunately just as he came to press for peace the Israeli government announced the approval for building of more settlements in East Jerusalem. As the US has shamefully given into the Arab demand that no negotiations will take place till the settlements are frozen this was a big slap in the face for Biden. It forced him to denounce the new settlements and off course provided a big “you see” moment for the Arabs.

Even being a pro Israel blogger I have to say that this move on the part of the Israeli government was anything but graceful. I don’t actually disagree with the move itself as I don’t see any reason that Israel should stop building settlements in Jerusalem but the timing of the announcement was terrible. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told Biden that he was not aware of the announcement as it came from a district committee that makes these decisions. However, in my view this is an unacceptable answer as Israel is not so big that the Prime Minister should not be aware of an announcement that from a foreign relations standpoint would create this big of a reaction.

I will save my rant on why Israel should continue to build settlements but in general I don’t think due to its proximity to Jewish inhabitants and the utter craziness of splitting a city in half East Jerusalem will ever be the Palestinian capital as currently proposed. So I see no harm in building settlements there as Israel will never accept any two state solution where Jerusalem is not 100% under Israeli control.

In return for this insult, Joe called on his big brother, Obama, to ensure that next visit from Netanyahu would end in similar humiliation. The news I am reading and hearing is a bit fuzzy on the details but sounds like not only did Obama not arrange for the normal photo session that he has when meeting with a head of state but also he walked out of a meeting to go have dinner with his family. Not sure how much truth is in the story but the bottom line seems to be that Obama has no clue how to behave himself. Sticking up for Biden is one thing but even as president of the most powerful country you have to know how to act when you have guests.

I think both unfortunate incidents were probably blown out of proportion by the media and both only served to advance one cause which is the continued delay of any real peace talks. Not that I am convinced that peace talks would bring any real change but a public pissing contest to see who can out insult the other definitely brings no positive change. Don’t think I have ever written an article where the Arabs win at the end but in this case they were the only ones to benefit from this month’s political mishaps.

The van screeched to a halt.  The rear doors flew open, and a half dozen girls jumped out.  They quickly seized their prey, carried him back to the van, and threw him inside.  A moment later, the nondescript white van raced off.

Chip Morgan was laying in the back on the van, in complete shock.  A moment later, he had been jogging around the lake, listening to some tunes on his iPod.  He couldn’t begin to fathom why he had been abducted.  Chip wondered if it was really such a bad thing to be kidnapped by a gang of attractive girls.

Chip entertained that thought for about a half second.  One of the girls flipped him roughly onto his back.  Another shoved her knee into his back, causing enough pain to subdue him while other girls securely tied his hands behind him.  His ankles were bound to each other to complete the job.

At this point, Chip began to realize that this probably wasn’t just a harmless sorority prank. 

Several minutes later, the van turned off the highway onto a gravel road.  Chip bounced around in the back of the van, and he was able to feel every bump in the road. The interior of the van was complete silence – not a word had been uttered since he had been abducted.

After his body has endured much abuse, the van pulled to a stop.  Chip was yanked roughly out of the van and forced to march forward.  In his hobbled state, Chip was unable to move very quickly, and his captors were quite impatient.  Chip fell onto his face twice as the girls urged him to move faster.

When he was finally told to stop, Chip took a moment to absorb his surroundings.  There were perhaps two hundred girls in a circle around him, each wielding a flaming torch which allowed the empty field to be bathed in light.  Ahead of him was small wooden stage, and in the middle of the stage was a low table.

The girl on the stage made a motion with her hand, and the dull roar of the crowd dissipated into complete silence.

“He has arrived.  It is time for the ceremony to begin.  Bring forth the man.”

Chip was forced to ascend the stairs.  When he arrived on the stage, his binds were removed for a moment.  Then the girls fastened him securely to the table at the center of the stage.

When Chip was secured, the leader of the group approached him and spoke loudly, so that the entire crowd could hear her.

“For thousands of years, men have viewed women as mere sex objects.  Today is the day of reckoning for men.  Man, I give you the kiss of death.”

At this, she moved very close to Chip and kissed him firmly on the mouth.  An increasingly confused Chip allowed himself to enjoy the pleasure of the moment.  When she pulled away, Chip was shocked to realize that he was bleeding. 

Before he could make any sense of the proceedings, the next girl approached him and gave him the kiss of death – making a quick slice with a scalpel as she kissed him.  Then the next girl, and another, and another.  Chip quickly realized that the kisses were intended as a mockery of men’s treatment of women as sex objects.

After the final girl made her cut, she followed the others in procession out of the field.  Chip was left alone with his thoughts, dripping from the hundreds of cuts on his body.

After the girls had left, the location once again reverted to nature.  A short while later, the wolves began to approach and the buzzards circled overhead.

Less than a year after media magnate Sam Zell sold the Chicago Cubs to the Ricketts family, the lovable losers are reported to be on the block again.  This according to a source close to the family.  The Soap Boxers made a call to Ricketts family spokesperson April Sloof.  When Sloof finally returned our call, she said that she could neither confirm nor deny the rumor.

Our anonymous source, however, was quite willing to spill the beans.  It seems that there was a great deal of buyer’s remorse after the sale was finalized.

The Ricketts era got off to a rough start when the family discovered that the Zell group had stripped the facilities of all tangible assets.  Uniforms, bats, balls, and gloves had all been packed into boxes and removed from Wrigley Field before the sale was completed – likely headed to eBay for sale to collectors.  The theft was not limited to baseball equipment, however.  Office chairs were removed, carpets ripped up, copper wire stolen, and light bulbs taken from the outlets.  Tom Ricketts expressed great dismay:

“When you spend nearly a billion dollars on a team, you expect to buy it lock, stock, and barrel.  This isn’t like buying a house, in that you need to buy the stove and refrigerator.  When you buy a baseball team, you should be able to step in on day one and continue operations without interruption.  It’s completely ridiculous to send the general manager to Home Depot in search of compact flourescent bulbs.”

The Ricketts family also suggested that false statements were made about the recent history of the Cubs.  Tom Ricketts has accused Sam Zell of showing him an altered version of the Cubs’ 1907 World Series trophy.  Our inside source says that Zell hired an engraver to change the inscription from “1907” to “2007”.  Ricketts was reported to be “livid” when he discovered the deceit.

The straw that might break the camel’s back, however, are the zoning restrictions of Wrigley Field.  Ricketts, a devoted environmentalist, had planned to turn the field into a common grazing area for goats during Cubs road trips.  However, the area surrounding Wrigley Field is zoned in a manner that precludes it from being used for agricultural purposes.

If the Cubs are to be sold, who will be the next buyer?  There are rumblings that Portland Trailblazers owner Paul Allen is forming an ownership group.  It is believed that Allen, the billionaire co-founder of Microsoft, and Beaverton sports apparel company Nike would be the largest investors in the group.  Allen has long been connected to proposals to bring Major League Baseball to Oregon.  Allen is reported to favor a stadium in suburban Tigard because of its closeness to Interstate 5.

We will continue to follow this story as it develops.