The SoapBoxers

Well, that’s a very simple question question.  Here’s your answer, according to rule 2.00 of the Major League Baseball rule book.

 An INFIELD FLY is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort, when first and second, or first, second and third bases are occupied, before two are out. The pitcher, catcher and any outfielder who stations himself in the infield on the play shall be considered infielders for the purpose of this rule.

When it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an Infield Fly, the umpire shall immediately declare “Infield Fly” for the benefit of the runners.  If the ball is near the baselines, the umpire shall declare “Infield Fly, if Fair.”

The ball is alive and runners may advance at the risk of the ball being caught, or retouch and advance after the ball is touched, the same as on any fly ball. If the hit becomes a foul ball, it is treated the same as any foul.

If a declared Infield Fly is allowed to fall untouched to the ground, and bounces foul before passing first or third base, it is a foul ball. If a declared Infield Fly falls untouched to the ground outside the baseline, and bounces fair before passing first or third base, it is an Infield Fly.

Rule 2.00 (Infield Fly) Comment: On the infield fly rule the umpire is to rule whether the ball could ordinarily have been handled by an infielder—not by some arbitrary limitation such as the grass, or the base lines. The umpire must rule also that a ball is an infield fly, even if handled by an outfielder, if, in the umpire’s judgment, the ball could have been as easily handled by an infielder. The infield fly is in no sense to be considered an appeal play. The umpire’s judgment must govern, and the decision should be made immediately.

When an infield fly rule is called, runners may advance at their own risk. If on an infield fly rule, the infielder intentionally drops a fair ball, the ball remains in play despite the provisions of Rule 6.05(l).  The infield fly rule takes precedence.

Got it?  No?

The basic gist of the rule is that an infielder cannot allow a ball to drop in order to gain an advantage.  If an infield fly is called, the batter is automatically out, and the runners can advance at their own risk (but normally just return to their base).

So then , why does the rule exist?  Imagine if the bases were loaded with nobody out and there was a lazy pop fly to the third baseman.  If the ball is caught, the runners must return to their base.  If the ball is not caught, the runners must run to the next base.  Generally, the runners are going to stay near their base.  If the third baseman were to let the ball drop, he could step on third base for a force out, throw to second base for another, and have the second baseman throw to first base for the final out.  If the runners suspect that he’s going to do this, they could cheat toward the next base … but then they would have time to get back to their base if the fielder catches the ball.  It’s a real catch-22, and the infield fly rule attempts to level the playing field.

A few things to note about the rule:

• The fly ball does not have to be on the infield, but rather is a fly ball “which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort“.  This means that balls that are a few steps onto the outfield grass are included.  Even if the outfielder actually makes the play, the ball may be considered an infield fly if an infielder could have caught the ball with ordinary effort.  Foul pop flies that are caught are also governed by the infield fly rule.
• It’s also important to note the phrase “ordinary effort“.  If the infielder would have to race halfway across the diamond and dive to make a spectacular catch, this is not an infield fly.
• The ball is still live after an infield fly is declared.  If an infield fly is declared and the infielder accidentally kicks the ball into the outfield, the runners can run the bases at their own risk.

I’m a fan of the rule – without it, anarchy would exist.  Remember the play near the end of the All Star game where David Ortiz was thrown out at second base because he didn’t know if Marlon Byrd was going to make the catch?  Without the infield fly rule, infielders can create this sorts of situations on a regular basis (the Byrd/Ortiz play itself would not have been an infield fly, for a variety of reasons).  Truly, the infield fly rule is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Want to learn more about the rules of Major League Baseball?  Grab a copy of the official rule book.

Major League Baseball Official Rules

I watched two movies with my wife this weekend, both good, but very different in quality.  The first we found in the sale bin at the local Wal-Mart; Doctor Zhivago.  The second we watched at our local second run theater; Iron Man 2.  In the classic, so much more attention was paid to the grand vista matched with equally grand music.  The modern concentrated on flash and boom.  Now I admit that these two movies represent more than just different eras, but also different genres as well.  There were plenty of action films made back in the day, but I would argue that there was a greater effort put forth to create a larger picture which integrated with you other sense of sound and feeling.

In the classic film, there were plenty of times where literally nothing was going on.  This allowed you to recover from previous action or think about the previous scene before leaping into the next event.  Remember the Doctor Zhivago is set during World War I and the Russian revolution, so there are battle scenes and explosions, it is not just a love story.  Iron Man 2 also attempts to have a love story entwined with the action, so there are similarities.

Doctor Zhivago is also a truly feature length film of over 3 hours.  Modern films seldom pass the two hour mark.  (Dr. Zhivago actually has an intermission for bathroom breaks that is even on the CD with music and there is a prelude with music as you get yourself situated in the theater.)

Many would say I shouldn’t complain.  If I don’t like the modern methods, I should not go to see the movies.  Well I do like the latest releases from the film industry, it just seems that they are concentrating on the visual only right now.  There are movies made for the full spectrum, but those are not widely distributed.  The Last Station is a good example.  It is the story of the last days of Leo Tolstoy and was not available in my home town until it came out on CD.  I do not believe that our local video store would have gotten a copy if my wife had not specifically requested it.

The last general consumption movie that I remember that had the whole package from my point of view was Silverado, at least the opening scene was panoramic.  It is easy to pick on some films, which are concentrating on the special affects to the detriment of all other facets of film making.  Transformers is one such movie, where there are spectacular battle scenes that just suddenly happen.  If you have not watched the cartoon, you don’t even know who the participants are.

I believe that Hollywood can merge art, action and special affects.  The original Star Wars films had magnificent music to set the mood of every scene.  Even the latest Star Wars and Star Trek films are still filling the story before leaping to the next event.

I once complained to my grandmother that there were no good movies like when she was young.  She assured me that on the good ones were replayed now and she had seen plenty of losers in her day.  I am sure that is true today.  If there are only 2 good movies each year, that is 50 good movies just since I was a teenager.  And I am sure that there have been more that 2 good movies produced each year.  Here is a short list on movies I think would be on that list, add your own if you please.

• The Thin Man Series (6 films) – actually made before I was born
• The Quiet Man
• The Princess Bride
• Hopscotch
• Silverado
• Patton
• Lawrence of Arabia
• Midway
• True Grit
• The Star Wars Series (6 films)
• The James Bond Films (most of the 17 films)
• The Lord of the Rings (both live action and animated)
• The Star Trek Series (most of the 11? Movies)
• Most Mel Brooks films
• Driving Miss Daisy
• The Last Station
• Young Victoria
• Most Pixar Films
• The Bourne Series

The final part of the three part story.

Murray and Smythe spent the morning analyzing the financial records of Wallaby, as well as the records of the foreign suppliers Wallaby was interested in taking over. The offer Murray had on the table would give Smythe a sizable ownership interest in Wallaby. Based on the past performance of the company, it looked like a solid bargain.

During post-lunch cocktails, Murray made a final pitch.

“In most case, I would never dream of taking on an outside investor. Unfortunately, my silent partners and I are stretched thin at the moment, and the banks think my plan is a bit on the risky side, given the financial state of the suppliers.”

Leonard Smythe nodded, not totally disagreeing with the opinion of the banks.

“If we can get the infusion of cash to take control of these suppliers, we’re going to have a very strong year. Our revenue has been on a steep upward curve for the last few years. But if we’re forced to renege on the deals we’ve made with the computer manufacturers, we not only lose that revenue, but the trust of those companies.”

“I’ve heard good things about you, Mr, Smythe, so I wanted to give you a crack at this. I’m confident that you would be a fair partner and would not put your own interest in front of those of the company. Unfortunately, though, time is of the essence. I have a meeting with another venture capitalist on Monday, so I’m going to need an answer by tomorrow.”

Smythe gulped the rest of his scotch and sat silently for a moment. “Silas, my boy, I’m seriously considering investing in Wallaby. However, we’re talking about a serious amount of money. I’ll have to sleep on it and give you an answer in the morning.”

Smythe headed back to hotel in the early afternoon, saying that he needed to make some calls about some other deals he was working on. He arranged to meet Andrea in the hotel bar once again.

The next morning, Andrea told Silas she was very confident that Smythe was going to come through with the money.

“I think our Mr. Smythe is a bit smitten with me,” Andrea told Silas over breakfast in the morning. “He tried to convince me to run away with him for the weekend”

“Did you agree?”

“Actually, I did. I thought it would give you some time to shut down operations and leave town. By the time Smythe smells a rat, all traces of Wallaby Industries will be long gone.”

Silas Murray smiled. “By the time he realizes that he’s being conned by a beautiful woman, his money would be sitting safely in the Cayman Islands.”

As Andrea had predicted, Leonard Smythe had his checkbook out when he met with Silas. He quickly signed the contract and handed a check to Silas.

“A million now, and the rest in ten days, as we agreed.”

Silas smiled and took the check, amused at receiving an old school form of payment. “I look forward to having you as a partner, Mr. Smythe.”

“Please, now that we’re partners, call me Leonard,” replied Smythe. “Oh, and if it isn’t a terrible inconvenience, I’d like to borrow your VP of Sales for a few days.”

“You kids have a good time. I think the company can survive for one day without Ms. Noonan.”

An hour after Smythe left the office with Andrea, Silas was at the bank. He deposited the check and left instructions to wire the funds to his Cayman account after the deposit had been verified.

Silas spent the rest of the day removing any trace of their presence from the location they had used as the headquarters for Wallaby Industries, including wiping for fingerprints. They had had upfront cash for the rent to avoid a paper trail. Silas Murray jumped on a plane and headed back home.

When Silas didn’t hear from Andrea on Monday morning, he got a little worried. When the funds hadn’t been verified by Tuesday, he got more worried. On Wednesday, he received a letter in the mail from Leonard Smythe.

My name is not really Leonard Smythe, of course, just as yours is not Silas Murray. I simply assumed the identity of Smythe for a few days, in order to use his credibility to gain your trust.

You conned a friend of mine several years ago. I doubt you remember it – it was just one of many victims you have conned over the years.

I took it upon myself to get revenge for my friend. You thought you were conning me out of my money, but I was actually conning you out of your wife. I made my sales pitch to her the first night I was in town. She’s tired of life on the run, Silas. I can give her a comfortable life without the need to constantly look over her shoulder.

Making our escape over the weekend bought us some time. Andrea knew that you wouldn’t get truly worried until the check bounced. She’s an amazing woman, Silas. You don’t know what you’ve been missing all these years as you focused all of your energy on the almighty dollar.

This is the second part of a three part story.

“I’m sure you and Andrea would talk business, so it’s a deductible expense for me,” Murray said with a conspiratorial wink.

Murray took a sip of coffee and turned the topic of the conversation back to business.

“As you know, Mr. Smythe, Wallaby is a privately held company. We develop computer components. We sell the components to the big manufacturers, who use the components in their computers.”

Smythe nodded as Murray continued. “We have strong relationships with a couple of foreign companies who do the actual manufacturing. Unfortunately, those companies are experiencing some major financial trouble right now.”

Murray continued his tale of woe. “If we can’t get the companies to deliver, we could find ourselves unable to meet the deadlines for the computer companies. That could put us in a world of hurt. In fact, it could threaten the viability of the company.”

“Can’t you simply shift the manufacturing to a different company?” asked Smythe.

“Not at this stage in the game, unfortunately. We wouldn’t have the time to find another supplier, sign contracts, and have them get ready for production. Time is simply too short.

“Then why do you need me?” asked the venture capitalist.

“One option that we have come up with is to simply buy those companies. This would give us complete control and allow us to meet our deadlines.”

“And you want my money.”

“Well, yes,” admitted Murray.

“How much?”

“We could acquire the companies for about three million in cash, in addition to assuming about a million and a half in debt.”

Murray spent the rest of the morning talking about the history of the company and sharing details about the products that the company produced. The company had started in Murray’s garage and slowly become a presence in the industry.

After a long lunch, they returned to the office and Murray placed a call to one of the suppliers. Although the man on the other end assured Murray that everything was going fine, Smythe could tell by the strain in his voice that this was not the case.

After the call, Murray brought up some news articles about the supplier’s parent company. The company was indeed teetering on the brink of collapse.

“We wouldn’t be buying the entire company, of course,” explained Murray, “but just the one subsidiary.”

“You’ve definitely given me a lot to think about, Murray,” responded Smythe. “I’d like to knock off early and head back to the hotel. We can continue this tomorrow.”

“Certainly.”

On the way out, Smythe made plans to meet Andrea Noonan at the hotel bar before dinner.

The next morning, Andrea was filling her husband’s ears with complaints.

“He was flirting with me all night. He even gave me a goodnight kiss.”

“I hope you flirted back,” replied Silas Murray.

“I most certainly did not. I’m tired of these cons, Silas. I don’t like being the bait in a honey trap.”

“This is a big one, babe. We could score a million bucks from this Smythe guy. He’s a rube – buying the bullshit hook, line, and sinker. That kind of money should buy at least some mild flirting.”

Andrea was stunned at what her husband was telling her to do.

“And what if he wants to carry it further than flirting?”

“Just remember how big of a score this is. We definitely don’t want a goodnight kiss to be a deal breaker! This could be the deal that sends us to retirement in Costa Rica.”

Andrea was angered at Silas’ suggestion that she use her body to further their financial goals – but did look forward to the prospect of retiring to a warm climate in the near future. One big score and they could leave the con games in the past.

It seemed that Leonard Smythe had enjoyed his evening, in spite of the cool reception from Andrea.

“I think Ms. Noonan likes me,” he confided in Silas.

Silas Murray breathed a sigh of relief – Smythe was still under Andrea’s spell, oblivious to the fact that she disliked him.

“Andrea was just telling me how much she enjoyed spending the evening with you. She is looking forward to another night on the town tonight.”

The first part of a three part story.  Stay tuned for the rest of the story over the weekend.

Leonard Smythe was greeted by a receptionist as he walked into the corporate offices of Wallaby Industries.

“I’m here to see Silas Murray. He is expecting me – Leonard Smythe.”

“Oh, yes, Mr. Smythe. Just one moment.” The receptionist grabbed the phone and made a couple of quick phone calls.

“I’m afraid that Mr. Murray is still in conference,” explained the apologetic woman. “I’m going to have our VP of Sales take you back to his office.”

A moment later, a perky redhead poked her head through the door of the reception area.

“Mr. Smythe? Hello, I’m Andrea Noonan, head of sales. Silas should be finished with his teleconference shortly. Please come with me back to his office.”

Smythe couldn’t help thinking what a great choice Wallaby had made for their VP of Sales. Ms. Noonan was quite the looker. She was tall, had an athletic build, and carried herself with an air of confidence.

“The place doesn’t usually look this dead,” explained Noonan. “There’s a big industry conference in Vegas this week, and almost everyone is there. We’re operating with a skeleton crew.”

Smythe looked around and counted exactly five employees at their desks. The rest of the desks lay in disarray. Framed photos, soda cans, and printers dotted the landscape. Wallaby wasn’t the biggest company in the world, but it was indeed running a skeleton crew. Taking Murray, Noonan, and the receptionist into account, there were eight Wallaby employees in the building.

“Must be a very important conference,” he remarked.

“Oh, yes,” replied Noonan with a smile. “This conference will probably drive about half our annual sales.”

“I’m surprised that the CEO isn’t there.”

“Well, Mr. Murray knows that you are a very busy man and tried to work around your schedule. I suspect that he’ll be taking a flight to Sin City later in the week.”

Smythe nodded. Indeed, he was an important man for Wallaby Industries. As a venture capitalist, he was accustomed to have people bend over backwards to accommodate his schedule.

Andrea Noonan was observing Smythe carefully to try to determine if the man was seeing past the charade. So far, so good. The desks had been professionally staged by Silas, and he had hired some out of work actors to fill a few of the seats.

Silas Murray popped out of his office as they approached. Murray was a well dressed man in his mid thirties and gave Leonard Smythe’s hand a hearty shake.

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting with you, Mr, Smythe. Did you have a good flight?”

“It’s always a good flight when you’re in first class, Mr. Murray.”

Murray laughed at the witty remark. “Very true. Please, call me Silas.”

Smythe nodded to acknowledge the request, but did not make a reciprocal offer.

“Andrea, could you get us some coffee?” asked Murray as he ushered Smythe into his office.

“Normally, she’d bite my head off for a request like that. The VP of Sales does not fetch coffee – even for the CEO.” Murray laughed. “But we’re really short staffed this week, so everyone is wearing a few hats.”

Andrea Noonan returned with two steaming mugs of coffee and set them down on the table. Four sets of eyes watched her leave the room.

“I hope you don’t mind,” said Murray, breaking Smythe from his trance, “but I planned your evening for you. Ms. Noonan will be showing you around town.”

The other man smiled broadly before responding.

“I think I would be agreeable to that.”

To be continued.

“And we’ll start the auction with this little box of treasures,” shouted the auctioneer.  He showed off the contents of the box – two small paintings and an assortment of door knobs. 

“Good lord,” muttered James Black.  “Leave it to Ronald Hamilton to squeeze out every last dollar.  Even after he’s dead, the old miser is trying to make a buck by selling his trash.”

“Oh, James, don’t be so critical.  That painting of the mountains looks very pretty.”

Brown snorted.  “You can get the same thing at a garage sale for a few dollars.  The only thing of value in this whole auction is the Shaker furniture.”

“What’ll’ya gimme for this,” asked the auctioneer.  “Do I hear a bid for twenty dollars?”  The auctioneer tried to work his magic on the crowd to elicit a bid, but the crowd remained silent.  The bid dropped to ten dollars, and then to seven.

Meredith Black poked her husband in the ribs.  “Bid on it, James.”

“Seven bucks for that junk?  No way.”

“Do it, James,” she said with a glare.

Black reluctantly bid, to the amusement of his friends and acquaintances in the crowd.  A moment later, he was the winning bidder.  It was the only of the junk lots to get a bid.  The auctioneer gave his best effort, but the bidders were all waiting for the Shaker furniture.

When the furniture went on the block, a buzz went through the crowd.  The items in Hamilton’s collection of furniture were in exceptionally good condition and were expected to fetch top dollar.  The bids came fast and furious, and soon shot above the level James Black was willing to pay.  Black was in a foul mood as they walked back to the truck.

“Hey, Black, you got the bargain of the auction.”  Black turned as saw the laughing figure of Charles Davis.  Davis had picked up a beautiful grandfather clock that James had coveted.

“I happen to like the painting,” retorted Meredith.  “It’s pretty.”

“Pretty,” replied David with a laugh.  “Pretty?  Yeah, that will help its resale value.”

An hour after they arrived home, Meredith Black had found the perfect location for her painting.   “James, could you hang the painting right here,” she asked, pointing to a spot near the window in her office.”

James Black quickly hung the painting and straightened it using his miniature level.

“What about the other painting,” he asked, holding up the paining of some boats.

“That one’s not very cheery at all.  Throw it out.”

“I know,” replied James with a grin.  “I’ll hang it above the toilet.  Hanging crap above the crapper –  get it?”

Meredith rolled her eyes but made no comment.  If letting him hang the dumb painting above the toilet would pull him out of his grumpy mood, it was OK with her.

When Elizabeth Black came to visit her parents over the weekend, Meredith proudly showed off her new mountain scene.

“Dad’s right, of course,” replied Liz, the art appraiser.  “Garage sale quality.”

“But it’s so pretty,” replied her mother.

“If it makes you happy, you should definitely hang it,” agreed Liz.  “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I’m quite partial to Norman Rockwell myself, in spite of the snide remarks of my colleagues.”

During supper that night, Elizabeth excused herself from the table to use the bathroom.  When she returned, she had a question for her parents.

“Have you contacted the MH de Young Museum about their missing painting?”

“Huh?” came the reply from her father.  “That worthless mountain thing?”

“No, that $200,000 masterpiece you have hanging so beautifully above the toilet.  It’s Van de Velde’s Harbor Scene – stolen from the museum in 1978.”

Note: Willem van De Velde’s Harbor Scene actually was stolen from the MH de Young Museum in San Francisco in 1978. If you happen to stumble across it at an auction, give them a call!

Note: this article was written in July of 2010. As such, if does not contain any information on Jaycee’s story after that point.

The state of California recently agree to pay Jaycee Dugard $20 million.  This raised some eyebrows in a state suffering from staggering budget deficit.

If you’re not familiar with Dugard, I’ll give you a short recap.  Dugard was abducted from a bus stop outside her home in 1991 – in sight of her stepfather and classmates.  The stepfather gave chase on a bike, but couldn’t keep up with the car.  For the next 18 years, Dugard lived with abductors Phillip and Nancy Garrido.  She worked in their print shop and even interacted with customers. 

In 2009, authorities became suspicious of Garrido and eventually determined that the young woman living with him was Dugard and the 12 and 15 year old girls were her daughters (fathered by Garrido).

Some people feel that Dugard deserves no compensation, suggesting that she had multiple opportunities to escape over the years.  After all, she was interacting with customers in Garrido’s business – not being locked in a dungeon.  When authorities finally closed in on Garrido, Dugard maintained that she was “Alyssa” and didn’t reveal her true identity during initial questioning.  These observers wonder if Dugard stayed because she wanted to stay.

There is, however, a perfectly rational explanation for this.  Stockholm Syndrome refers to a situation where a victim begins to have positive feelings toward the captor.  The victims sometimes perceive lack of abuse (or a temporary break from abuse) as kindness.  The victim forms a strong bond with the captor and perceives the captive in a positive manner.  Many experts feel that Stockholm Syndrome results from the powerless victim adopting an attachment to the most powerful adult in their environment – similar to the attachment a baby feels for its mother. This isn’t some sort of pyschobabble – the FBI suggests that 27% of kidnapping victims suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.

If Dugard was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, she would not have been capable of simply walking away.  Physically, the opportunity would have been there, but psychologically, she would not have been able to break free.

OK, at this point hopefully you see that Dugard probably wasn’t at fault for failing to escape.  But why give her $20 million?  Most kidnapping victims don’t get $20 million as a sympathy gift from the government.

Nor is this the case with Dugard.  The settlement was reached to resolved claims that the state failed to properly supervise Phillip Garrido, who was on parole.  Authorities had made several visits to the Garrido home, but failed to question the presence of Dugard.  What was Garrido on probation for?  Kidnapping and sexual abuse – crimes that probably should have heightened the awareness of authorities.

Is the settlement too much money?  It’s definitely a lot of money, but will be whittled down by attorney fees and possible taxes.  Still, what’s left should allow Dugard to invest conservatively and provide sufficient funds for her as she works to build a new life with her daughters and the rest of her family.  Hopefully she’ll be able to take the money and live a quiet life out of the spotlight of the media.

And in other crime news …

The voting for World’s Worst Mother is over … and the winner is Aimee Louise Sword.  The Michigan woman tracked down the son that she had given up for adoption and began a sexual relationship with him.  The son was 14 at the time.  On Monday, Sword was given a sentence of nine to thirty years in prison.  I’m not sure there are words to describe how sick and twisted this is.  No only did she have a sexual relationship with the son (which, by itself, is very twisted) but she essentially stalked him to do it.

You often hear people hold the virtue of “consistency” aloft as the gold standard in sports.  It’s great to know that Joe Star is going to go out and put up the same stellar numbers in every game, right?

Not necessarily.  At some point, we get into diminishing marginal returns of sucky performances.  Let’s say Joe Bad goes out and throws four interceptions and loses two fumbles in a game.  Joe Worse throws seven interceptions and loses four fumbles.  Joe Worse hurt his team a lot more, right?  No, not really.  Joe Bad’s team was almost certain to lose the game with him turning the ball over seven times.  Throwing a couple more interceptions and fumbling two more times might look worse in the stat sheet, but it only affects the chance of winning a small bit.

The same principle comes into play in my favorite sport.  If you haven’t noticed, that sport happens to be baseball.  It makes little difference if a pitcher gives up seven runs or 27.  Unless the game is in Coors Field, it’s an almost certain loss for his team.  The 27 run outing is going to absolutely kill the guy’s ERA, but his team still lost just one game that day. 

Sometimes, you will hear announcers talk about pitchers with similar numbers, but point out (negatively) that one pitcher has a tendency to get his brain bashed every once in a while.  In actuality, this guy is probably the more valuable pitcher.  He might be getting absolutely rocked in 10-20% of his outings, but he’s outperforming the other guy in the other 80-90% of the games in order to have similar season numbers.  It’s important not to miss the forest for the trees.  The single game in which the pitcher took a beating accounts for just 1/162 of the season.  It should not overshadow the rest of his performances.

The takeaway on this?  Don’t dwell on the outliers; look at the entire body of work.

THE RESIN BAG

Giants (and ESPN) announcer Jon Miller made a fool of himself by accusing the Colorado Rockies of cheating via ball swapping trickery.  The Rockies have an MLB-approved humidor to keep baseballs at a constant humidity level.  Without the humidor, the balls quickly dry out at the high altitude, resulting in lighter balls that travel further.  The humidor is an attempt to keep a bit of a lid on offense.  (Why don’t all parks have humidors?  I don’t know.  I personally think they should.)  Anyway, Miller suggested that the recent hot streak by the Rockies might be a result of them sneaking non-humidored balls in to the umpire when they needed some offensive help late in games.

There are a few reasons why this isn’t particularly feasible.  First, the umpire rubs down all the balls with mud before the game (to reduce glare from the white surface).  How would the “cheater” balls get re-separated after the rubbing?  Second, what happens if the ball boy gives the ump several “cheater” balls and then the inning ends on the next pitch – the opposition would have the advantage of hitting the “cheater” balls.

But the most damning factor is that many pitchers have said that there is a discernible difference in the way the humidor balls feels as opposed to how a dry ball feels.  Not only is there a difference in the way it feels, but also the weight of the ball.  It might not be enough of a difference for the casual fan to notice, but pitchers are going to notice.

LeBron James decided to join Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch on the Miami Heat.  I wasn’t shocked by the move, but was saddened a bit.  For the last few years, the only reason I have followed the NBA was to see if LeBron could bring a title to his hometown.  I’m not a fan of the style of play, and have been a marginal follower for the past decade. 

The NCAA basketball tournament is going to expand to 68 teams.  Instead of having four play-in games where the winner will play the #1 seed, the last eight at large teams (likely 11 or 12 seeds) will face off against each other for the right to stay alive in the tournament.  I hate this idea, because I think that 64 is the perfect number.  This change is likely to mess up a lot of bracket pools around the country.  Do you start counting games on Tuesday or on Thursday?

18 year old Mike Trout, an Angels farmhand, had a nice weekend.  In the Futures Game over the weekend, he had a single and double and reached twice on errors caused by the defense trying to hurry to beat his speed.  Later, he was promoted from low-A Cedar Rapids to high-A Rancho Cucamonga.  Trout has blazing speed and could have good power by the time he fully develops.  If he can stay in centerfield, he could be an extremely valuable player for years to come.

And speaking of reaching on an error … a batter is credited with an out when he reached on an error.  That’s why Trout was listed as 2 for 4 in the game.  In the same way, a fielder is credited with an assist even if the player he throws the ball to makes an error.  This is a bit weird, as players are being penalized (or rewarded) for things that should have happened.  In the case of the fielder, I don’t have a big problem with it.  But for the batter, I don’t like it, especially when the player forced an error with his speed.  Shouldn’t the batter get some credit, or at worst, simply not get charged with an at bat (as is the case with sacrifices)?

George Steinbrenner passed away at the age of 80 following a heart attack.  The much maligned owner had been in poor health for the past few years.

I was originally brought aboard The Soap Boxers to write articles about writing.  Over the months, my ramblings have been all over the map; politics, science, sports and relationships to name a few.  I have also touched on writing.  To get back to what I was drafted to do, this article is about what to do once you have written your book.

Last year I participated in the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.org).  This is a world wide competition to write a novel during the 30 days of November.  The only rules are to get 50,000 words written down as part of a novel within the 30 days.  The rewards are recognition.  I completed the 50,000 words in November, but then spent December and January making the work into a ‘real’ and ‘complete’ novel.  So I had written a book, what do I do now?

The first step after completing your work is to get the book edited.  I have spent the last 5 months revising and update my book.  I have now learned that you really need a professional, non-partisan editor.  I have had 5 people look at the book and now realize that it was 4 people too many.  I chose people close to me to review and edit.  This was not a good idea.  They were either too nice, so as not to hurt my feelings, or tried to rewrite the book to what they wanted.  When being edited you need a tough skin.  You have put a lot of work into this book, it is almost like someone is criticizing your child.  Well I am done with editing, so what is next?

I am lucky in that I know someone who has actually published a book.  You do not have to have a publisher to get your book to market.  If you really want to sell your work, you should look at the major publishers.  If they like your work, they have the advertising and distributing mechanisms in place to sell.  To get published by one of these companies, you have to provide a summary and a chapter (don’t send them your whole book right off the bat, they will not read it).  If you get selected based on that input, they will request the full manuscript.  After that review, they will decide whether of not to offer to publish.  Even then, don’t get too excited.  They will go through an editing process, set up and market plan, all taking many months, before they ever offer you any money.  And remember, if they publish and take on the risk, they own the work along with you.

You can also self publish.  This just means you are doing all of the work.  You have to get an ISBN. You have to get a Library of Congress number.  You have to find the printing and binding house.  You have to market your work, going to book sellers like Barnes & Noble and trying to convince them to sell for you.  This can takes months or even years, and you have to pay up front, so you may never make a profit.

You can also simply distribute your work.  This means no official numbering, so no wide scale professional distribution.  You will be selling on line or on the street corner.  All book stores require an ISBN, even on line book stores.

Now, I do not expect to make a profit any time soon, so I am taking care of the up front costs for identification, but plan on starting sales on line to limit my out of pocket costs.  The identification helps provide copy right protection world wide and provides assurance to my customers that they are getting what they paid for.  The ISBN is specific to a type of publication, so I will have different numbers for the paper back, hard back, large print and electronic versions.  The official site for United States ISBN is www.isbn.org.  The official United States ISBN agency is R. R. Bowker (www.myidentifiers.com).  They charge $125US for a basic kit, and $185US for on line sales assistance.  You can get a package of from other sources such as www.isbn-us.com for $55US for self publishing (listed as independent in the book catalogue), or $129US if you want to have a publishing name (create your own publishing company).

Obtaining a Library of Congress number is only necessary if you are publishing in the United States and intend on distribution through libraries in the United States.  You have to have a publisher (even if you are your own publisher, so create your own publishing company) to get an account.  Once you have an account you can get a pre-assigned number (PCN) that will eventually become the control number(LCCN).  These numbers are controlled by the Library of Congress (http://pcn.loc.gov/). You have to provide a copy of the work for free to the Library of Congress (you will not get this copy back, consider it a gift to the United States government). The good news is that a PCN/LCCN is free.

All of these numbers have specific formats and must be placed on the Copy Right page (generally the back of the cover).  The ISBN also comes with a bar code (for selling/scanning) that you put on the back cover of the book.

Copy right is a completely different beast than ISBN or LCCN in that it is in effect even if you do not apply for it.  By law, your work is copy right as soon as you right it down and date it.  Registering at the copy right office (www.copyright.gov) is only required for legal contests.  It is recommended that you register your copy right as soon as you are ready to publish to make sure no one else sells your work (such as an unscrupulous editor or publisher).  The cost today is $35US for an electronic registration.  You can also have paper registrations, but those take longer and cost more.  I do not see any benefit to these paper applications, unless it is required, such as the design of a new ship hull (not something that should be coming from an author).

So, what do I do next?  I will be spending just about $165US to get ready to publish.  To actually get a book in print will be a bit more.  My novel is 224 pages.  There are plenty of self publishing houses available.  For this example (I still haven’t made my final choice) I am using Morris Publishing (www.morrispublishing.com).  They were the first listing on my search engine.  Based on a 5.5 x 8.5 print and 224 pages, it will cost $5.36US each for a 100 copy buy.  The price per book goes down with more purchased ($1.86US each if I buy 5000).  Of course selling an electronic copy here will be no additional cost.

So my first publication will cost me roughly $700.  Not too bad when considering the cost of other hobbies.  And I do mean hobby.  If you are writing as a profession, get a publisher.  Share the risk, let them sell for you, and get a check periodically.  That is of course if anyone wants to pay to read your work.

My daughter, age 2 (soon to be 3), seems to have acquired a favorite quote from a TV show.  Last weekend, she started saying “Wait a minute!  coconuts don’t have feet!”  The line, of course, is from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode Goofy’s Coconutty Monkey.  Spoiler alert: Chip and Dale stole the coconuts.

This got me started thinking about my favorite lines from movies.  There’s the old standby – “My Name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die!” – uttered by Mr. Montoya in The Princess Bride.

My very favorite line from a movie actually requires an explanation.  The quote is this: “Oh.  Dog and a beer.”

OK, how many of you know exactly where that comes from?  There’s probably one person out there.  It comes from The Field of Dreams, an all-time favorite movie of mine.  The brilliance isn’t in the line itself.  It’s in the setup.  Prior to this, Ray Kinsella had asked Terence Mann “What do you want?”  Mann had responded “I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.”  This is a perfectly fitting response for a reclusive author who hates the spotlight.

Then we see Ray gesture up at a concession stand and he asks “No, I mean, what do you want.”  At this point, the question shifts from something that requires an answer from deep within the soul to something that requires an answer from deep within the stomach – eliciting the request for a hot dog and a beer.  The setup is everything.

What’s your favorite movie line?