The SoapBoxers

So Speaker Boehner, where are the jobs at? Before the elections in November this seemed to be Rep. John Boehner’s mantra, so it is only fitting to turn it back on him ow that they have been on the job a while now a show no signs of actually wanting to create any jobs. Instead the Republicans have led a crusade to end abortion, repeal the healthcare reform of last year, end social security and medicare, generally anything under the sun that is not tied to their corporate masters.

It seems really that Boehner and Republicans are most concerned about doing anything to make it seem that Obama and Democrats are failing, that actually doing anything to heal the economy and the country. Yesterday it seems that Boehner expressed this mindset perfectly. “If we stick together and keep the pressure on the Democrats, we’re going to win this fight,” he said to a group of assembled Republicans. “We’re gonna kick their ass.”

Really Speaker Fake Baker? Ass kicking? How does that actually do anything to improve the country? It doesn’t. I fact the most recent standstill to the countdown to shutdown has exposed that the overall effect of Republican sought cuts to spending will eliminate 700,000 jobs. To use their tired at old line when they refer to tax cuts, is this the time we really need to cut 700,000 when we need to be creating them?

Then again as I said jobs are not the focus as clearly stated earlier this week by Illinois Congresswoman Judy Biggert who she said in front to Congress that Democrats just needed to stop talking about jobs. Well Rep. Biggert that was the main task that people supposedly had in sending Republicans to control Congress this time around, and like every time before you have failed.

BAD NUT OF THE MONTH

I haven’t done these in a long time so I thought I’d bring it back. The Bad Nut of the Month award goes to Wisconsin State Senator Randy Hooper. Hooper one of the Republicans eligible for and soon to be facing a recall vote showed how much of a moral authority on things Republicans truly are. In a time of budget cuts in the state Hooper helped get a cushy job with a raise for his mistress. Despite not having any better qualifications than the previous person to have the job and not formally applying for the position, Valerie Cass was given the job with $11,000 more than the person who had the job before. Just bad on different fronts. For one this happenedd during the time that the state was supposedly broke and they needed to cut the budget, cut jobs and bust unions. And on the other for a person and a party i general that touts themselves as the absolute moral authority on everything, it seems pretty immoral to me to cheat on and leave your wife for a woman almost half your age. However I guess if you are the Senator’s mistress jobs are created for you and not cut, however to go to a Republican talking point. This is a real threat to marriage.

Fiction Friday comes a bit early this week …

“All I’ve got ish quarters,” slurred the obviously patron. “Where can I stick them?”

Candy responded to his off-color remark and subsequent laughter by slapping him across the face. As the man staggered off, her fans showed their support for her actions by cheering and tipping generously. Candy finished her performance just as the music ended. She quickly gathered her clothing as the next dancer prepared to take the stage.

“That’s Miss Candy Rain, folks,” boomed the speakers. “You can catch her three times a week at the Roundup.”

Candy retreated to the silence of the dressing room, glad that another long shift was behind her. She slipped into a pair of blue jeans and a comfortable t-shirt. She smiled as she laced up her Adidas running shoes. Much more comfortable. Candy scrubbed the stage makeup from her face, pulled her long hair into a ponytail, and pull on a baseball cap. She smiled into the mirror and saw the “girl next door” looking back at her. She threw the costume clothes into a worn duffle back and prepared to make her exit.

“Have a good night, Candy.”

“Same to you, Frank,” she responded. Frank was a one of the regulars at the Roundup – always tipping well, but never making any trouble for anyone. He was definitely one of the good guys – a rare thing at a strip club.

Candy slammed back a Jack and Coke when she got home. Then she turned off the lights and crawled into bed. Two minutes later, she was dead to the world.

The next morning, Candy awoke, and immediately transformed into Ann mode. She powered up her MacBook and put the finishing touches on her article. An hour later, she had marked up the necessary changes on a printout and made the necessary edits. The article was finished. Her editor would be pleased – “My life as a stripper – a month in the midst of debauchery” would be ratings gold.

Ann thought about calling the Roundup to let them know she was quitting. With the story finished, she didn’t need to deal with that place any more – good riddance. After a moment’s hesitation, she decided against it. She didn’t owe them anything – she’d just leave them in the lurch and made them deal with her angry fans when she failed to appear.

Ann liked to celebrate when she finished a story – retail therapy was good for the soul. She grabbed her purse and pointed her car toward the nearest mall. Five hours later, she returned home with a trunk load of new clothes.

Ann had a bit of sticker shock as she totaled up the damage from the shopping trip. She had a bit of a tendency to go overboard with these trips – the money she spent on the celebratory shopping trips sometimes exceeded the amount she was actually paid for the story.

Ann made a resolution to make a budget and stick to it. She needed to be more careful with her spending if she was every going to have the cash for a down payment on a house.

Out of the corner of her eye, Ann saw the duffel bag on the couch. A few loose bills had escaped from the bag and lay on a couch cushion.

Or maybe she could do a few more shows as Candy Rain. Just a month, she promised herself. Just long enough to build a nice emergency fund …

Opening Day for Baseball is later this week. Hard to be in the mood here in the midwest for baseball since it has been snowing and we have had temperatures in the low 30’s . Wonder if the Twins are re-thinking that new outdoor stadium at all this year with record snowfalls in the Minneapolis area this winter. We are not out of the woods just yet.

Speaking of Woods, Tiger Woods showed a brief glimpse of old Tiger on Friday last week carding a nice round at the Arnold Palmer Bay Hill Invitational and getting back into contention. He promptly got back out of contention on Saturday and on Sunday, no one it seemed wanted to win the tournament. Martin Laird from Scotland took the title and an automatic invite to the Masters with the win after he had squandered a 3 shot lead late in the round, only to see everyone else mail it in even worse.

Since I mentioned worse, do you ever remember a year that was worse for number one seeds in the NCAA basketball tournament? None of them make it to the final four, which is not a totally big deal. What is a big deal is who did make it in….Only 2 people out of over 5 million in the ESPN on-line bracket pool had these final four teams all picked correctly. Butler, Kentucky, Virginia Commonwealth and Connecticut. I am guessing it is two households that either have kids at VCU and Butler or one spouse went to one of those schools and got married to someone that went to the other.

On the topic of Big Deals, the NFL lockout continues. Now we are approaching draft time, and teams are “encouraging” some of the players to not attend the draft. C’mon owners, this is a dream day for most of these guys and it is not like you get to get paraded across the stage and be in the spotlight again. You only get drafted once. Can’t we just agree to all get along for the three days of the draft and not make these rookie players feel uncomfortable.

Regarding handshakes and spotlights, kudos to Gonzaga women’s basketball star Courtney Vander Sloot who became the first NCAA basketball player to score 2000 points AND dish out 1000 assists in a career. That is some big time playing.

Until Next week, stay classy Shaka Smart!

My wife and I watch a lot of Home and Garden Television. There is one show that my wife chooses to watch that simply grabs my attention, it is called House Hunters.  What strikes me the most about this show is the unreasonable expectations of the featured home buyers. Most (but not all thankfully) of the featured couples, fully expects to step into the type of home that their parents currently own or even better. They completely discount the years of savings, the slow steps from a small to medium to elegant home, that their parents had to endure. They are fully expecting to buy a home that is 3, 4 even 5 times their combined annual income, with the expectation of having a child without affecting their ability to afford the home in the long run.

I remember consulting with my father before attempting to purchase my first home, apparently I am old fashioned or my father has a good memory about what he could afford with a growing family. We chose a house that was almost exactly twice our combined income. The loan officer actually called me cheap to my face. When I transferred with my company, I was able to move up to a more expensive house, mostly because they covered my closing costs at both ends. Again, we went for twice our combined income. This time the real estate agent tried to pressure me into a larger debt. He explained that my salary was guaranteed to go up. I asked him to back up that guarantee with his own money. He refused, I got a new agent.

Ten years later, a full twenty years after getting out of school, we bought a house comparable to what my parents had when I moved out. I guess for the show, I do not have the right frame of mind. I do not think of a house as an investment. I look at as a place to live where the rent can actually be recouped eventually.

This problem of expectation is not limited to house buying, the show just provides a very clear example. I have worked with people who expect promotions and recognition as if some effort they have put forward is ample proof that they will continue to achieve at the same rate for ever. I have met people who truly expect the government to anticipate and fulfill their every need. I have watched as customers in stores have expressed their belief that since they spent $2.13 they should be treated somehow special. There are churches where the people expect to be entertained and cared for because they write a check each week. I have heard parents berate teachers because there child is special and should be treated better.

I believe that we all need a does of proportion. Actually think about what we deserved based on what we are doing. If we are buying the cheapest car, we should not expect it to run like the best vehicle out there. When we attend group, government or private, we should see what we can do, rather than walk in with expectations as to what should be done for us. President Kennedy said it very well, “Ask not what your country can do for you; rather ask what you can do for your country.” I think that this should be expanded to your community, you school, your church, even your family. Let us, at least for a little while, push aside our own petty desires and consider what actions will provide the greatest good.

 This story originally ran on June 8, 2009. It’s one of my favorites. We take you inside a day in hell, thanks to Satan’s Little Helper, Andy.

The alarm rang at 3 AM.  There is no such thing as a snooze button in the nether regions of Hell, so I forced myself out of my lumpy bed.  Someone had to manage the fires.  The union recently had an uprising and the result was that work weeks were capped at 120 hours.  The resulting shortage of manpower meant that even those of us in the inner circle had to take our turns keeping the home fires burning.  The Great Freeze of 2004 had occurred when the Boston Red Sox won the World Series.  Satan brought a bunch more nuclear reactors online and we managed to get through the crisis with substantial portions of the Great Fire still intact.  However, we still fear the Freeze to end all Freezes that will occur if the Chicago Cubs ever win the World Series.  That could result in the end of Hell as we know it.

I quickly ate my breakfast gruel and packed my lunch.  Braunschweiger, a bit of leftover blood sausage, somewhat moldy rye bread, broccoli, and prune juice.  Definitely one of my better lunches in a while.  I jumped in my Yugo and headed off toward the main fire pit.   The pot holes seemed a bit worse and a bit more frequent than they had been yesterday.  I quickly joined the assembly line and began to shovel molten fire into the box cars.  The train would take this load to an outlying region, where men would offload the fire in order to restart the dying fires in those regions.  The offloading was usually left to the young hellions, to get them acclimated to the heat slowly.  I’m really not sure why the union had fought for shorter work days – fire duty was a great job.  Lots of wonderful heat at the pit.

Finally, my shift was over and I jumped back into the Yugo and headed back to my studio apartment.  I had to check my email for messages from the boss.  Not surprisingly, my computer showed me the familiar Blue Screen of Death.  Satan kept promising to get us some Macs, but I wasn’t holding my breath.  I expected Windows to be the dominant operating system in Hell for many more years. After a few reboots, I managed to get into my email.  Just one message, but it was a bad one.

Andy,

Adolf and Eva are causing trouble in A-7 again.  I’m hearing that he’s trying to take over the sector and eventually march against me.  Run over to the Hitler home and have a chat with them.  Use your own discretion regarding punishment for this latest round of misbehavior

– Satan

I Yugo’d my way over to A-7 to have a little chat with Hitler.  After a contentious discussion, I finally got fed up and banished him to sector G-14 (telemarketers) for the next six months.  Adolf and Eva were obviously glutton for punishment, as they had been sent to G-14 at least five times in the last six years.  I can’t imagine what could possibly be worth that sort of punishment.  When Hitler had arrived here in the 1940s, he had been ushered into the inner circle and had Satan’s ear.  However, his repeated insubordination had caused him to lose his privileges, and he wasn’t even invited to the good parties any more.

The Yugo stalled a few times getting out of A-7.  Probably vapor lock.  When I got back home, I sat down in front of the computer and went onto eBay.  eBay was a bit slow over dial-up, but Satan had promised to install broadband soon.  eBay had been great for Procurement Services.  While at one time it had been necessary to wager a golden fiddle against Johnny’s immortal soul, the supply of souls on eBay had really brought the price down.  I bought fourteen souls for a grand total of $12,314.  Satan would be pleased with the purchases, although he’d be upset at the shipping charges.  Hell was outside of the normal delivery zones, so the shipping charges were out of this world.

My day’s work was over.  Time for some leisure.  I settled down on the futon and flipped on the 13 inch black and white TV.  142 channels, and all of them C-Span!  Could life get any better?

Hey! You’re a freak. I’m a freak. Everyone is a freak.

Take some time today to share unique aspects of your personality with others. You can start by chatting about it in the comments.

I have a lot of unique aspects … but the thing that probably raises the most eyebrows is my fascination with serial killers. Murder in general interest me, because law enforcement can’t talk to the victim to get any information about the perp. OK, I guess Ducky from NCIS can talk to the bodies, but most cops probably don’t … and the ones that do probably don’t expect a response.

Class dismissed!

As we stand on the cusp of baseball season, football still manages to take center stage. Usually, it’s just the scouting combine and draft getting all the coverage on sports talk radio. Now there’s also the lockout. Who is in the right and who is in the wrong?

I personally think there’s enough blame to go around. The union recently decertified in an effort to make the league subject to anti-trust legislation. I’m not a legal expert on the matter, but it seems that the NFL has anti-trust exemption if the players are represented by a union, but do not have this exemption if the players are not part of a union – the un-unionized players are allowed to file lawsuits in court.

Not surprisingly, at least one owner (Rooney of the Steelers) has suggested that it might be prudent for the National Labor Relations Board to take a look at this. Does the practice of having the players hop in an out of the union depending on which is better at the moment constitute an unfair labor practice? I would say yes. You’re either a union, or you’re not. You have to take the good with the bad. And does anyone actually believe that the players are not still unified, despite not being in a “union”?

That’s not to say the owners are blameless. They have been very reluctant to open their books. This is troublesome for the players, since the collective bargaining agreement gives the players a 60% share of revenues in excess of one billion dollars. If the union is unable to determine what the actual revenue for the league is, then they can’t determine that their share is.

I’m admittedly not an expert on the NFL’s collective bargaining agreement, but it seems that the players are going to have to drop their no-union charade and the owners are going to have to open their books. Why not have the owners and players agree on an independent audit from a CPA firm. The firm wouldn’t need to share details, just state that revenue is $X. And while you’re at it, get a commissioner that is truly an unbiased mediator instead of one that basically serves as president of the owner’s group (this flaw isn’t unique to the NFL).

Or the NFL could just drop the salary cap and allow teams to bid freely on players. I hate salary caps, since they don’t exist in the real world. Imagine that you’re a programmer at Microsoft, and you can’t get a raise because the League of Computer Companies sets a salary cap that every company must abide by. It’s not that your employer doesn’t want to pay you and your co-workers more, they simply aren’t allowed to. Weird, huh? Yet, this is standard in team sports. Baseball is the holdout, with no hard salary cap. Baseball teams that exceed a certain payroll level must pay a luxury tax, but nothing prevents them from spending $500 million on payroll. (Yeah, I’m a fan of a small market team and am opposed to salary caps. Weird, huh?).

Personally, I’m on the fence. I’ve been a Vikings fans for many years, but have largely ignored the NFL for the past two years as a result of Brett Favre playing for the Vikings. I’ve lost quite a bit of interest, and really don’t miss the games very much – and if there is no football this year, I’m probably gone for good.

Ah…the first weekend of games is over for the NCAA basketball tourney….Most of you are complaining about your Brackets being “busted” in your office pools. The Big East showed that it is clearly the most over-rated conference in all of NCAA basketball. While getting Eleven teams into the tourney, most took an early exit. The East Coast bias always throws them on a pillar of excellence, but this year they crashed and burned. Louisville…upset in the first round. Number 1 Seed Pittsburgh, smoked out by the lowly Butler Bulldogs. Granted two teams were eliminated by other Big East teams but overall the performance of Big East schools has been exceedingly lackluster at best.

Bruce Pearl and the Tennessee Rocky Toppers get bounced and then so does the coach. For cheating. Nice to see a school step up and can someone for a change for cheating. Let’s look around the brackets at other well known and busted cheaters such as John Calipari, Jim Calhoun. Why do schools continue to hire these guys? Duh….Winning!

Football is even more bogus. Schools get busted all the time and nothing and I mean NOTHING happens to the coaches. Jim Tressel is the latest one to fall under the trap and not be smart enough to avoid serious ramifications. Will Ohio State remove him? Doubtful…why…..DUH!!! Winning!

The most recent Big Cheat was paraded on to the Capital One Game Day set to talk about the National Title game two years ago and then promptly left for the NFL and the Seattle Seahawks. I am guessing Pete Carroll felt that he had done “all he could do at USC” and was ready to get “back into the NFL and the challenges it provides” Nope, liar again here sneaky Pete….you saw the steamroller called NCAA Sanctions coming and you ran like Chicken Little to the safe haven of the NFL, just before the house of cards came crashing in and your old beloved college school got smashed with sanctions and loss of scholarships.

The All time Biggest Cheater award goes to none other than Lou Holtz. How the hell ESPN pays this guy is beyond me. Cheater Lou had 4 coaching stints that are proven or pretty much guaranteed that he was cheating. Arkansas – He leaves, they go on probation, Minnesota and the House that Ricky Fogge built…you guessed in Lou again moves on to greener pastures and Whammo! The Gophers get hit by the NCAA. Of course the NCAA is not dumb enough to try and take on Touchdown Jesus, so while at Notre Dame, Lou’s cheaters ways go noticed but unseen, and Notre Dame goes from woeful to suddenly a National Powerhouse…..coincidence? He then hangs it up for 3 years (was he forced out or was the speaking circuit really that good?) and then goes to South Carolina, where …you guessed it, once he retires…shocking as this may be…they go on probation.

Am I the only one noticing a trend here???

Bottom line is until the NCAA does something to permanently remove coaches from the ranks of college athletics for cheating, nothing is going to greatly change. Boosters and coaches will continue to cheat the system, push the envelope and try to swindle in the best recruits for one basic and simple reason…

Duh….Winning! Duh…..

Stay Classy Richmond Spiders!

For the last few weeks I have been defending the President’s stand of non-intervention in the political upheavals of the Arab world. I have applauded him as he has stood by and allowed the people of each country work out their problems on their own, even though there has been much violence. It cannot be the job of the United States to look at each conflict around the world, determine who is “right” and then act as enforcer, police, bully, what ever term you want to use. I understand when we retaliate against an attack or come to the aid of an ally, but I do not see the reason to get into what can be considered a family squabble, but at the least is a civil war.

If we just look at the last 50 years (to get by WWII, and be in the historical time frame that most of us can still remember) there have been numerous wars, events and terrible occurrences around the world some of which the United States became involved in and some that we remained hands off. I am only selecting a few, there are many that I just do not have the space to address. First let’s look at intervention. First in the list would be Vietnam. We started off supporting our ally, France, then our ally South Vietnam. Although I may not like how it was managed, I can at least understand our involvement. Next came Haiti, six separate times. These were all humanitarian effort to oust dictators. Our aim was well meant, but obviously we failed as Haiti remains one of the poorest, most oppressed countries in the world. Panama and Grenada were targets of President Reagan in the 1980s. Why? Basically we did not like the people in charge. If that is the criteria for military intervention, then during the same time period we should have attacked the Soviet Union, France and Argentina. We didn’t, but was that just because we could push around the smaller countries?

Somalia and Yugoslavia were the targets of President Clinton. Both of these were humanitarian in a way. We went in to kill those people who were killing people we decided were innocent. They may have been, but being that judge is a dangerous position to put ourselves. To be fair, President G.H.W. Bush started the Somalia effort. Iraq (twice) and Afghanistan I discussed in previous articles. In Iraq, an ally (Saudi Arabia) asked for help after Kuwait had been conquered, then the second round was because Iraq violated every part of the cease fire agreement (all of that noise about weapons of mass destruction doesn’t matter). Afghanistan supported and harbored a group that publicly claimed responsibility for attacking us. And now we are bombing Libya. Again I ask why?

If we look at the conflicts that we avoided, I am sure to rankle some people. President Carter avoided involvement in Nicaragua. As a result, a pro-American regime was ousted from power. I still think it was the correct choice. Presidents Clinton and G.W. Bush avoided Angola, Sudan, Uganda and more in Central Africa. True these were horrible situations with barbaric murders and tortures, but by my (selfish) criteria, not our problem. And right now, we are standing by for Syria, Bahrain, Yemen, Morocco, Algeria, Lebanon, and Saudi Arabia. So I ask a third time, why are we getting involved in Libya?

President Obama can claim to be supporting the community of nations in enforcing the United Nations Resolution. There are plenty of resolutions that we have not supported. He could also claim to be trying to get oil prices down for the common man, but I think he will avoid that since he accused President Bush of fighting in Iraq for oil. Besides, if he really wanted oil prices to go down, he would allow drilling here in the United States, both on land an off shore. I really cannot figure this out. I was glad when he stood by and allowed Egypt to work out its problems. I thought that he was following the same path here. But suddenly, when Gadaffi started to win, the UN and our president decided to step in and be part of the problem. My hope now is that few if any Americans parish during this struggle, and that the United States does not become the focal point of hate for the new leadership that will emerge through out the Arab world as a result of these recent rebellions.

The first weekend of the NCAA tournament is over, and what havoc the upsets have wrought!  Three of the regions have at least one seed 8th or lower still alive, and the wacky Southwest region has the 10, 11, and 12 seeds still alive – ensuring that a 10 seed or worse will make it to the elite 8.

Virginia Commonwealth won three games in a span three games in a span of six days, beating USC in the play-in game (now known as a “first round” game) before beating #6 seed Georgetown and finally thrashing #3 seed Purdue 94-76 on Sunday.  The Rams face the Seminoles of Florida State (10 seed) in the next round.

Michigan made tournament history in their first round game, becoming the first team to ever win a tournament game without making a single free throw.  It’s not as bad as it sounds, though – the Wolverines only attempted one free throw.

I went out on a limb this year and picked a lot of upsets in my bracket.  Unfortunately, I picked the upsets that didn’t happen, while missing the ones that did.  While I correctly picked Butler to make it to the Sweet 16, I also predicted that Belmont and Bucknell would still be dancing.  Akron and Princeton also let me down, failing to win their games against Notre Dame and Kentucky.

Overall, my bracket is in horrible shape – but it can still be saved.  I have San Diego State cutting down the nets on April 4.  If that happens, I can stll emerge victorious.  Aztec Nation, I am one of you!

Disappointing sports weekend for the state of Iowa

While none of the men’s teams from Iowa made the NCAA tournament, Iowa State, Northern Iowa, and Iowa all made the field for the women’s tournament.  Unfortunately, they were all wiped out in the first round.  I forgot that the ISU women’s game was on ESPN2 until halfway through the second half.  I switched over the game, only to see Marist in full control.

At the NCAA wrestling tournament, Iowa State’s Jonathan Reader won a title in an otherwise disappointing weekend for the Cyclones.  The only bright spot was the fact that arch-rival Iowa was thwarted in their quest to win a third straight national title, as the Hawkeyes finished behind Penn State and Lehigh.  Even that silver lining had a cloud, as Penn State was lead by former Iowa State wrestler and coach Cael Sanderson.  The Nittany Lions won their first title in more than 50 years.

Get your baseball geek on

A friend of mine has developed a baseball simulation engine.  You pick a pitcher and a hitter, and he’ll spit out the results of a full season’s worth of plate appearances.  The app is now available as a web app and on Facebook, and will soon be available for Android.  More details from the mouth of the developer:

AtBatSim puts advanced simulation into the hands of baseball fans. Simulate at-bats between an MLB pitcher and hitter of your choice. While you’re watching a game, try out the simulator to get the inside track on what might happen next.

Sabermetric research has shown that pitchers have limited influence on what happens when a hitter puts a ball in play. This simulator puts an average defense on the field, and lets them react to hit balls. Fast players beat out more ground balls and stretch outfield hits into doubles and triples more often. You can simulate 700 plate appearances in seconds and get one detailed play as an example.

AtBatSim is available on the web http://www.atbatsim.com and as a Facebook app at http://apps.facebook.com/atbatsim/ . AtBatSim is targeting a release of an Android App by Opening Day 2011.

You can help by trying it out and offering feedback so the ratings and simulator improve over time…and of course by spreading the word on Facebook and telling your friends and co-workers about it.